Page 68 of Lick

“You think I don’t know that? But she deserves more than this, Fester. Look at me. I can’t even make it to the bathroom to fucking puke. Can’t get myself in and out of the shower, and I can barely wipe my own ass. What kind of life is that for her? She’ll already have a kid to look after. She doesn’t need another.”

“Shouldn’t that be her choice?”

“No, because to Emma, there is no choice. She would never walk away. That’s not who she is, even if it made her miserable. She’d do anything she could to try and fix me, but you can’t fix this.” I hit the arms of the wheelchair.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, actually, I do. The last lot of tests and scans I had? They’re not good, Fes. The swelling is taking longer to go down than they anticipated. Doc said the odds of me getting back full use of my legs are lessening every day.”

“Lessening is not the same as being told you’ll never walk again.”

“They told me to prepare for the worst. They don’t think I’ll ever walk again. It doesn't matter which way you dress it up, this is it for me.”

He moves to sit on the step beside me. “So, what’s the plan now? Live a life alone because you can’t walk? Hate to say it, Lick, but I expected more from you.”

“Yeah, well, I expected more from myself.” I snort, before running my hands through my hair.

“Sounds to me like you’ve already given up. Never thought I’d see the day where a Royal Bastard would quit so easily.”

“That’s the thing, though, Fester. I won’t be a brother for much longer, given this prognosis.”

He gets to his feet and squeezes my shoulder. “You’ll always be our brother, whether you wear the colours or not. Ride or die.”

He walks away, leaving me to my own treacherous thoughts. I know I’m wallowing. I’m turning into a whiny little bitch. Yeah, it’s a shit hand I got dealt, no doubt about it. But this chair that I hate so fucking much means something else to my father. I can see it in his eyes. He’d rather see me in this than a coffin, which is what the alternative would have been if the bullets had been just a few millimetres in another direction.

I let my eyes drift closed and take a deep breath. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t gonna do shit to make things better. I’m not sure anything will, but I won’t find solace in Emma’s arms. Not now. It’s what I wanted, but it’s also making everything feel so much harder.

Shutting off all thoughts of her, I call a cab, telling them about my chair so they’ll send me a suitable car, and wheel myself to the gates.

“Hey, Lick, everything okay?”

“Just dandy, Dixie.” He falls quiet. I sigh. I’m being an asshole for the sake of it, but that seems to be my default setting lately. “Keep your eyes on Em for the next couple of weeks, and if you don’t see any signs of the Bloody Scorpions, then you can back off and stop watching.” She can finally be free from me once I’m sure the Scorpions are oblivious to her connection to me. “Were you at the gate when Emma left?”

“Um, yeah. She looked pissed.”

“Okay. Pissed is good.”

“It is? I’m not sure it’s ever a good thing when women are pissed at you. They hold a mean grudge.”

“In this case, prospect, I’m counting on it.”

31

Emma

“What about this one? This one’s cute.”

I turn distractedly to look at the cute, soft yellow onesie with little rubber ducks all over that Sophie shows me. “It is,” I agree, though my heart's not really in it. When Sophie suggested a shopping day for baby things, I couldn’t say no. It’s a huge relief knowing she’s excited at the prospect of becoming a big sister.

“I’m gonna get it.”

“You don’t have to. I know money is⁠—”

“I have some saved, and this isn’t even expensive. Besides, I have job interviews lined up for next week, and I’m waiting for callbacks from two others. I’m going to be fine. I should have stopped relying on my father’s money a long time ago.”

The relationship between her father and her is between them. I can’t be objective when it comes to Dan, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to badmouth him to his kids. “You’re okay, though, right? I don’t have to worry about you getting evicted anytime soon?”

She grins and shakes her head. “Daddy paid a year’s lease up front for both Danny and me. He might be mad at me, but he’s not going to see me homeless.”