Page 56 of Lick

“I came straight here. I haven’t had a chance to fill her in, but I’m sure Dot will. The club will look after her. You know that.”

She could have just as easily been a target. If it had been her, she’d have lost the baby.

“Lick?”

I realize my knuckles have turned white from squeezing the bed rail too hard. I let go and face him once more.

“She’s going to want to see you. The guys have made her wait until you’re air lifted home, but you can guarantee she’ll be there waiting when she gets the news.”

“I don’t want her there.”

“What?”

“I don’t want her to see me like this.” It’s partly true at least. I don’t think for a single second she’d judge me, at least not half as much as I’m judging myself. I think she’d stand beside me and weather the storm because it’s all she knows how to do. And then she’ll wake up one day and realize she’s been saddled with a burden, not the man who fucks her against a wall or swings her up and carries her to bed when she’s tired. I’ll be just one more person for her to take care of.

“She’s not going to give a single fuck about this. All she cares about is the fact that you’re alive. Don’t let pride make stupid decisions for you that you can’t take back.”

He doesn’t get it, though. He has no idea the shit she has already had to shovel just to get to where she is. And now, not only have I saddled her with a kid, but with a fuck-up like me that might never walk again. I can picture her trying to push us both around.

I shake my head and harden my resolve. No. She deserves better than that. And if I have to blow up my whole world to stop hers from crumbling, then so be it.

25

Emma

Ihang up and stare at the chipped countertop as tears flood my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Stacey asks, darting around to my side.

“He’s awake.”

“Oh, thank god.” She pulls me into her arms and holds me tightly as I cry against her shoulder. “You scared the shit out of me.”

I let out a shaky breath. “It’s hard to explain. I just got this really off feeling, as if someone walked over my grave. I really thought Knuckles was going to tell me he was gone. In hindsight, I know someone would have come to tell me face to face, but I still can’t shake that feeling that something’s not right.”

“That’s hardly surprising given everything you’ve faced lately.”

“You think that’s all it is?”

“I don’t know, but there is no point worrying about things beyond your control right now. You have enough to deal with as it is.”

My shoulders slump as I walk over and ease myself down onto the sofa. My back aches today more than usual.

“Do you want me to cover your shift so you can get some rest?” she asks me in concern.

I shake my head. “No. I want to save switching cover so I can see Lick when he gets back. Knuckles said he wouldn’t be back until after visiting hours. I’ll go see him tomorrow instead, which works out because I’m off…” My words taper off. I’m rambling.

Stacey sits down beside me and holds my hand. I rest my head on her shoulder. We sit in silence for a moment, the chaos of my brain needing a minute to recede before I break down again. These hormones have been playing havoc on my emotions. I had hoped that hearing good news would calm things, but no such luck. I don’t know how to turn my brain off, which makes sleeping hard and concentrating a thing of the past.

“Why don’t you take a soak in the tub? I’ll make you something for dinner, then you can chill before your shift starts. I’m meeting Jessie later, so I’ll drop you off before swinging by to pick her up.”

“I don’t want to take advantage⁠—”

“You’re not. Please let me do this for you. I’ll only worry otherwise.”

I sigh but nod. “Okay, and thanks. It means a lot. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without both of you.”

“Well, that’s not something you need to worry about. Now scoot. Go marinate in your own juices.”