Page 53 of Lick

“I don’t know what to do, Dot. Tell me what to do.”

But it isn’t Dot who answers, it’s Fester as he gets up from the table and walks over to me. He cups my jaw gently and tips my head back. “You go home, and you rest. You eat something, do regular chores, and then you rest again. You get up, rinse, and repeat. The only difference is you’ll have either a prospect or a brother with you the whole time. Lick would want you safe.”

“I don’t care about me. I care about him,” I hiss.

“Well, that’s tough shit, darlin’, because we care about you, and so does Lick. Like fuck will I be the one to tell him when he wakes up that you ran yourself into the ground.”

I snap my mouth shut at whatever retort was on my lips. He’s right. I can’t be selfish here. I have a baby relying on me to get my shit together. It’s time to step up and show Lick I can do this. That I won’t crumble at the first real hurdle we face.

“You’ll keep me updated?”

“Every step of the way,” he says without hesitation.

I look around the clubhouse and feel a strange panic set in, as if I leave, I won’t be back. I swallow it down, knowing that’s just my anxiety twisting my thoughts.

I nod, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the sudden chill. “Okay. I just need my bag. My meds are in it and my phone.” My voice sounds small even to me, and I hate it.

“Shit,” Dot curses, looking at me in apology. “I know where it is, I’ll grab it.” He walks away, leaving me standing there feeling uncomfortable. It’s been a long time since I felt like that here, but everything feels different now.

I look at the remaining brothers, the ones who haven’t said anything, and pick the one I know the least. “Henny, do you think you could give me a ride home, please?” I ask softly. I can feel the surprise, not just from Fester, but Henny himself.

He nods anyway and gets to his feet. “No problem. I’ll meet you outside.”

I nod. With him, at least I won’t be forced to make small talk or pretend that everything’s fine. I don’t have the same eternal optimism the rest of these guys seem to have. I need a fucking moment to take it all in and wallow before I pull my shit together.

“Here you go.” Dot walks back in with my bag and hands it over. “I’ll just grab the keys to the truck and give you a⁠—”

“No need. Henny is already outside waiting for me.”

“Oh. Okay, well, text me when you get home.”

“I will. Can you call me when you get news about Lick? Or even if there is no news at all. I just…”

“I know. I’ve got you,” Dot promises, kissing my forehead before leading me to the doors.

I look over my shoulder at the remaining guys and feel tears prick my eyes again. “Bye, guys.” I walk out to the murmurs of their farewells.

Henny is leaning against a truck. Dot stops on the steps. “Don’t be a stranger okay, or I’ll hunt you down.”

I offer him a watery smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Good.” He winks at me.

I turn and head over to Henny, who opens the passenger door and waits for me to climb in before closing it. I strap myself in and offer a little wave to Dot, who is still watching.

“Where to Em?”

I turn to Henny and give him my address. He frowns when I reel it off, likely knowing what part of town the place is, but I can’t find it in me to care. I have far too many other things to stress over than my damn postcode.

The ride home is quiet, which is what I wanted. Yet every mile that passes makes the panic creep in further. By the time we pull up outside my flat, I’ve chewed my nails down to the quick.

“I’ll walk you up.”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have⁠—”

“I’ll walk you up,” he insists. I don’t argue. I feel jittery enough as it is.

Climbing out, I wait beside the truck for him to walk around while slipping his cut on. I rummage in my bag for my keys. Even with a huge biker beside me, it’s instinctual to carry them between my fingers. Henny doesn’t notice, mostly because he’s scanning his surroundings. I pull the door to the building open but walk through when he grabs it and waits for me to pass. I head straight to the stairs and start walking up, trying not to gag as the smell of urine permeates the air.