Page 43 of Lick

“Alone for now. I want to talk to my father, not the president.”

“This about Emma?”

“Yes and no. Mostly it’s about me.”

“Alright. Let’s do this now. I have shit to do later.”

I don’t let his tone put me off. He gets gruff when he isn’t in the know about something.

He ushers me into his office and waits for me to sit before he folds himself down into his chair. “Alright, lay it out for me.”

“I need to say this isn’t about Emma. I mean, it is, and it isn’t. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, before I even found out Emma was pregnant. Jacko and Moe have both spoken to me about this too, and they’re on board, they just don’t know the full story, obviously.”

He stares at me, and I know he’s figuring out at least some of the shit. “You don’t want to tour anymore.” He leans back and sighs.

“I don’t mind doing the odd gig, but honestly, I fucking hate it. I don’t like that I have to hide my association with the club that I worked so fucking hard to be a part of, or that I’m away from Shooters, sometimes for months on end.”

“You knew what you were signing up for, Lick. We rely on the gigging to deliver shit.”

“And that’s the only reason I haven’t said anything before now. I know it’s important for the club, that’s why I’ve been trying to come up with other means of making it work.”

He waits for me to say more, which is good. At least he isn’t telling me to fuck off and suck it up.

“We want to start a label using Shooters as the home base. We’d sign up-and-coming artists, giving them a place to perform so we can get a feel for how the public will react to them. We can then set up tours, much the same way we’re doing now, have a couple of brothers on the crew to do the drops. And with a mix of artists out and about, it would make them less of a target to both our enemies and the cops, not that I think that is a concern. They’re much more likely to figure out my connection to the club than some random band or singer.”

He rubs his jaw in thought. “It would take time to make the switch even if I went for it, but I’d need to run it by Jameson first.”

“I know. And I’ll keep on doing what you need me to do until we can figure something out. But you have to know that my kid will be my priority. I love this club, Dad, but it won’t be at the expense of my child.”

“Hard to be pissed at you when your reasons make me proud as fuck to be your father. I know I wasn’t always around⁠—”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, it was, especially after your mom died. This club needed me. That much was true. When Bulldog asked me to step up and be president, I felt fucking honoured, and I spent a long time proving that he made the right choice. Not once did I consider how it might affect you. Oh, I dressed it up as you having a club at your back and a fuck-ton of uncles to watch over you, but the flip side is you wouldn’t have needed someone to watch over you if I were around more and not making deals that always have the potential for a colossal fallout.”

I shrug. I get what he’s saying, and I won’t lie, there were times I didn’t understand why he always seemed to choose everyone else over me. As an adult, though, I get it. He was doing the best he could. Nobody thinks they’re going to have to raise a baby alone. And because we didn’t have a village at home, he built one when he was here that helped raise me, which was both a blessing and a curse.

“I love the life you made for us. You built a legacy that will carry on long after you’re gone. And if I have a son, I have no doubt one day he’ll walk these halls with his own cut on his back.”

“But—”

“But I don’t want to miss it.”

“Miss what?”

“Miss his childhood. Miss football games and ballet recitals, parents’ evenings and Christmas nativities. I know I can’t be there for it all, but I want to be there for what I can, for all the small moments.” Like you weren’t here for me is left unsaid. I’m not mad about it. I wasn’t lying when I said that. I just don’t want my kid to ever feel like he’s second best.

“I’ll talk to Jameson, but I need you to put a plan together. He won’t budge if you half-ass this. Show me how this will work. And then give me a plan B and C.”

“I can do that.”

“Bring it to me, and I’ll see what I can do. I’m not making any promises, though.”

“I know, and I get it. But just to say, regardless of how things turn out, we won’t be able to do this shit forever. There are too many up-and-coming rock stars ready to step in and catch all the panties thrown our way. Life on the road is a young man’s game.”

“You are young.” He rolls his eyes.

“I haven’t been young for a while, and I have far more responsibilities than a lot of guys my age.”