Page 31 of Rattle the Cage

Every time we’d been alone over the last week or so, the first thing she did was try to apologize. Not with any expectation that I would give in and let it go: truly just to let me know how bad she felt for hurting me.

And as her fingers drummed against the steering wheel, I could feel her gearing up to do it again. “So listen, I know you still might not be ready to talk much about it, but I just wanted to say again⁠—”

“That you’re sorry?” I turned my head, redirecting my gaze from the window over to her pensive face. “I know, Nash, it’s o⁠—”

“I don’t want you to just accept it. If you don’t mean it, I mean.” She cleared her throat. “You have every right to be pissed with me. What I did wasn’t right. I’m just really grateful you’re letting me be here for you now. I know it won’t really make up for it, but…”

This was the part of the conversation where I usually nodded, turning back to the window to finish out the ride in silence. But as we hurtled closer to Velvet Paradise, my stubbornness cracked under the weight of my own exhaustion.

“But what?”

Her eyes flicked from the road to my face, like she was trying to see if my words were a trap. “But I’m not going to stop trying to show you how sorry I am. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to fix this, if that’s what it takes. I was confused before, but I’m not confused anymore. I’m yours.”

My heart swelled at the proclamation, but my tightening chest tried hard to hold it back. “Do you want to know what I’m really upset about, Nash?”

She sat at attention, nodding raptly from the driver’s seat.

“I’m mad that I can’t trust that anything you’re saying is true.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to calm my pounding pulse. “You are so good at knowing just the right thing to say, just the right way to say it. But when push came to shove, you chose Cyrus’ secret over my safety.”

“I never thought she would try to⁠—”

“That’s the problem, Nash. You didn’t think, but you still tried to choose for me. I put my safety in your hands, and you chose wrong.”

“I know.” She frowned. “You’re right.”

Silence settled heavily between us for a moment. The club was only a few blocks away now. It would be so easy to wait it out.

But I’m tired of sitting back.

Letting my head fall against the headrest, I looked up at the sunroof. “I think sometimes it feels worse that I understand exactly why you made the choices you did.”

“And why is that?”

“You’re loyal, Nash. You care about your people more than anything on this earth — including your own feelings. You were just trying to protect Cyrus.”

“I was trying to protect you too.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” I laughed. “You’ve been with Blade and Cyrus for a decade. You all left me behind. I’m not under any illusion that I’m as important to you as either of them.”

She shook her head. “Tess, leaving you at Heirs was never about not caring about you. I think you know that.”

“Then why?” Tears threatened to well, but I blinked them back before they could surface.

“To keep you safe.”

“And how did that go?”

Silence. As the parking lot came into view, she shook her head. “You’re right, Tess. You had a right to know what was going on and to make your own choice. I took that from you, and I’m sorry. I just hope you know that what I did — everything I’ve ever done — was always with the intention of protecting you. Even when I get it wrong, all I want to do is to take care of you.”

And with those words, Nash shattered the last fragments of my fear. Under all the layers of hurt and deception and betrayal, that was the one thing I knew to be true.

And it terrified me.

But I was done letting fear control me. It had stolen enough of my happiness already.

So as we pulled up to the performer door of the club, I pulled in a deep breath and stopped fighting back the words I had been desperate to say. “I forgive you.”

“Tess, you don’t have to⁠—”