Page 78 of Clean Finish

He looked up and gave me a tiny version of his grin. “Hey. Get all the boxes moved?”

“Not yet.” I swallowed and stepped into the room, closing the door behind me and glancing at Holt’s office. “Is Holt…?”

“Having lunch in Taylor’s office.”

“Okay.” I walked over and stood on the other side of the coffee table, shifting anxiously from foot to foot. “Um… so, uh… Kit heard us. At the pool party.”

Seb blinked in surprise, then calmly set down his crossword book. “Oh. Right.”

“And I didn’t know what to…” I fidgeted restlessly, picking at a hangnail on my thumb, then blurted, “I told them we’re dating.”

Something complicated happened to Seb’s expression, several different emotions flitting across his face too quickly for me to clock even one. He let out a slow breath and repeated, “Right.”

My chest squeezed in panic. I hadn’t actually considered the fact that Seb might not want anyone to think we were dating. Not because I had assumed he’d be all, like, proud or whatever to be dating me, but… that wasn’t what we were doing. We weren’t dating. We weren’t really together. And now I’d told someone we were.

“Sorry,” I croaked, not sure what to say.

“No, it’s fine.” His brow was slightly furrowed as he looked at me. “But you do realise they’ll probably tell all the others, right? If they haven’t already.”

“They said they wouldn’t.” It was my turn to frown as I made a face. “But even if they did, it’s not like I’d be embarrassed or anything if they all thought we were dating.” Trying to lighten the mood, I gave him an uncertain grin and added, “I told you before, I’d actually be super proud if they all thought I’d landed you.”

Seb didn’t laugh. He didn’t even smile. His brows pinched even more as his throat bobbed convulsively. He glanced away, then took a breath and looked at me again.

“But we’re only doing this because you want to fuck some of them.” His voice was weirdly… flat. Like how he always used to speak to me. I hadn’t realised how much I’d gotten used to hearing him speak more animatedly and laugh and joke with me. Sound like a real person. “And they won’t have sex with you if they think you’re dating me, Larkin.”

“Oh.” For some reason, it was pain that tightened my chest and made it hard to breathe for a moment. Not worry or disappointment over the wrestlers thinking I was unavailable. Not sheepish amusement over the fact that I’d just made this way more complicated by telling someone we were a couple.

Seb sounded so… dismissive, even though I knew, rationally, that he wasn’t saying anything harsh or incorrect. That was why we were doing this. So I could get good at sex before I fooled around with some of the wrestlers.

Suddenly, that plan felt horribly wrong. And gross. And uncomfortable.

I didn’t like thinking about it. I didn’t want to think about why we were actually doing this or what was going to come after it was done. In fact, the thought kind of filled me with dread. And this weird, desperate desire to do… something else.

“O-okay,” I croaked, not sure why the backs of my eyes were burning. “Um, I’ll… I’ll go tell Kit that it… that we’re not… that it’s not… serious, I guess.”

“Well, it’s not, right?” His face was unreadable as he looked at me, voice a little terse. “It’s not anything. It’s just practice for you.”

I flinched, and I wasn’t even sure why. He still wasn’t saying anything but the truth.

But it kind of hurt, to be honest. And made me feel really crappy. For multiple reasons that I couldn’t decipher.

“Right,” I croaked, taking a step back. “Okay. So I’ll… I’ll go tell them.”

I hesitated for a moment—again not even sure why—then finally turned and walked quickly to the door. Just as I stepped into the hall, I heard him blurt, “Wait. Lark.”

Pulse rabbiting in my throat, I turned and stood there awkwardly as he appeared in the doorway. His brow was still creased as he stepped closer, throat working as he swallowed.

“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely, “for sounding… cold.”

“That’s okay,” I said quickly, my voice embarrassingly thick. “You didn’t say anything wrong.”

“I just… don’t want you to worry that I’m reading more into this than it… is.”

That should’ve made me feel better, but it didn’t.

I shook my head, finding it hard to look at him. “I know you’re not.”

Seb wouldn’t really be interested in me. I was probably too immature and annoying for him. I wasn’t as smart as he was. I didn’t do intellectual things like crosswords or read the paper. I was loud and a blabbermouth.