Page 110 of Clean Finish

“Thanks.” He hesitated for a second, then turned and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water running a few seconds later, followed by the sound of him scrubbing his teeth and humming quietly to himself.

Shoulders slumping, I sank onto the edge of the bed and scrubbed at my face. This was going to irreparably damage me in some way, I already knew it. This was too much. I didn’t know what was happening anymore, but I was too scared to ask him and too weak to put a stop to it myself.

I stood up quickly when I heard the door opening, giving him an easy smile as I crossed paths with him to use the bathroom myself. “Back in a sec.”

“’Kay.”

I refused to acknowledge his toothbrush next to mine in the holder on the edge of the basin. I scrubbed my teeth aggressively fast, took a leak and stepped back out to find him sitting up in bed, scrolling on his phone. My throat closed up. I wanted this so much it hurt. I wanted it every night. Getting ready for bed with him, seeing him in his cute pyjamas, going through our usual routine, completely at ease with each other.

As I made my way toward the bed, Larkin looked up and smiled at me. “Just setting my alarms. Are you going to the gym in the morning?”

“No,” I said quickly, making a note to text Ludo in the morning and let him know. “Rest day.”

“Oh, cool.” He looked pleased about that. “I bet you only need one alarm, huh? Or you just wake up when the sun rises. I need to set about twenty.”

I chuckled, hesitating for a moment before stripping off my shorts. I heard Larkin’s breath catch, and it was gratifying to know I could still garner that reaction from him when he’d seen me naked several times already by now.

You’re really, really handsome.

It was still grating on me that I’d ignored the sweet compliment he’d given me. He hadn’t had to say that. He’d been trying to be nice. But I didn’t know how to bring it up now without it seeming weird, or like I was just fishing for him to say it again like some arrogant jackass.

I got into bed beside him, and Larkin quickly reached over and turned off the lamp, plunging us into darkness. As I got settled on my back, I sensed him turn onto his side so he was facing me and curl up his coltish limbs. God, I wanted to wrap myself around him while he slept like that—all sweet and scrunched up.

“Night, Seb,” he said softly.

I let out a silent breath, staring up at the dark ceiling. “Goodnight, Lark.”

We fell silent. We weren’t touching, but I could feel the warmth of him beside me. I could smell his sweet caramel scent. Something like muted panic tightened my chest as I lay there. It felt like I was missing my chance to do something, but I didn’t know what.

“Lark?” I whispered, in case he was already dozing off.

But he answered immediately. “Yeah?”

Swallowing, I turned onto my side and slid my hand across the mattress to brush my fingers against his, which were lightly curled under his chin. He threaded them through mine straight away, like he’d just been waiting for me to touch him.

My eyes burned a little, but I forced myself to speak.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” I said quietly, wanting to return the compliment he’d given me earlier, meaning it with every fibre of my being. “I’ve always thought so. Ever since I met you.”

That was definitely revealing too much—far, far too much—but I’d said it now. And I wanted him to know. I’d never thought Larkin was truly cocky or self-centred, but he gave off an air of being far more confident than he really was. I’d seen his insecurities now though. I’d seen the things that had held him back, and they just made him even more beautiful to me. So I wanted him to know.

His fingers had tightened on mine. I heard him swallow thickly, before he whispered, “Really?”

“Yes.” Gently squeezing his hand, I ignored the ache in my chest and added, “Whoever you end up with—whether it’s just for one night or… longer—they’re incredibly lucky to have that privilege. I don’t just mean because of your looks, but because you’re… an amazing person.” It felt easier to admit this in the dark—like it didn’t really count. Like I wasn’t subtly baring my soul to him. “You’re sweet and funny and kind and… just a beautiful person. All of you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

He didn’t answer, but after a few seconds he shuffled closer and buried himself against my chest. His face tucked into the hollow of my throat as he clung to my back, his lashes fluttering against my skin as he blinked rapidly. I pressed my lips to the top of his head, feeling for a split second like I was about to cry as the back of my throat ached.

I love you. I couldn’t say it out loud, so I just whispered it to him in my head.

Chapter Thirty-One

Larkin’s Totally Courageous Mission

Larkin

Okay. I had a plan.

It was probably a crappy plan, but still. I was doing it. I needed to do it.