Page 61 of Emeric

“Do you really want to know?” I stirred the pasta, then did the same with the sauce. I put them both on the lowest setting.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

We probably should have waited for Oleander to be here. Then again, this wasn’t a new subject. We just hadn’t broached it since we moved in here.

“How do we go back after this?” Before he could question what I meant, I followed up with, “Back to our homes, not sharing a bed? I can’t see how it works. We’ve made a routine out of it. I’m not even factoring intimacy into it, which is amazing, by the way. Just… I worry it won’t work. We’ve been here.” I motioned around the apartment. “We know what this is like.”

Emeric leaned back in the chair, mouth drawn down slightly. “I’m not sure. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. I just don’t have an answer for you. You shouldn’t have to give up what you have in your home. Oleander can’t move because his job is guarding Vail. And I have a hotel to run, although after the time I’ve spent here, it’s obvious I don’t need to physically be on site as much. It makes things easier, and I prefer it, but I could commute. I could stay in your house and drive to work in the mornings. That’s how most people do it. I’ve been lucky to live near where I work.”

“It would be better for everyone to stay in East Dremest. You and Ollie are already here, close to each other. I’m the one out of the city.” I couldn’t keep the sadness from my voice. It was two to one, not that Emeric was keeping a tally. I was in my head. So many strikes against where I lived.

“We’re not going to ask you to move.”

Instead of responding to what he’d said, I asked, “Do you think it’s too soon to talk about this on a serious level?”

“We’re practically living together now, and you’re worried about going too fast?”

“This is temporary.”

“It could be or not. We could work out what we’re going to do once everything is taken care of.” How was he so calm when I was freaking out inside?

I was doing my best to keep it there, not revealing how I waited for it to come crashing down. Obviously, I wanted the threat to Emeric resolved, but my mind kept returning to the inevitability of when this would end.

“Syl,” he said, drawing my eyes back to him. I hadn’t realized I’d let them drift to the counter where my hands gripped it.

Emeric stood and walked toward me, not stopping until I turned, putting my back to the counter while he bracketed me in. “We’re going to talk it through, the three of us. No decision will be made unless we all agree. That includes you. We’re not going to stop because we don’t live in the same area. We’ll work this out. Okay?”

I nodded, unable to swallow the lump in my throat. The weight I was so used to from my anxiety was slowly lowering itself onto my chest, a panic attack much closer to the surface now.

Dropping my forehead to his shoulder, I soaked up his warmth as he wrapped his arms around me. It gave me the space to ground myself and focus on my breathing to slow my heart rate.

My home was my sanctuary. There was more than enough room for Emeric and Oleander to move in. While Emeric might be able to, Oleander couldn’t. He loved his job. That meant he had to be in this building, ready to go whenever he was needed.

The door to the apartment opened. I lifted my head to see Oleander walk in. The grim look on his face made my anxiety go from waiting to break free to my breath faltering in my chest.

“The safe house has been fully compromised,” he said. “A large team of people are on their way there now with moving trucks to pack up everything they can as fast as possible. We knew whoever was after Emeric tapped into the feed. We thought we could find out who it was, kill them, and resume using the house. Lawson found the house details online in a dark corner of the web where hit men linger, waiting for their next job. He spoke with a few people he works with occasionally and was able to remove it, but not before the location had been visible for a bit.” He walked toward us, his eyes on me. “I’m so sorry, Syl. You won’t be able to return home.”

My bottom lip trembled as my heart pounded and my body shook. “But… but where will I go?”

“You’ll always have a home here.”

“We’d never allow you to be without a place to stay,” Emeric added.

It was easy for them to say. Everyone knew where Jordan’s building was, yet it was also a fortress. While Emeric couldn’t go home yet, he’d eventually be able to. His address was public. The whole point of my owning the safe house was to keep it from being discovered as belonging to Jordan. Now, people knew, the absolutely wrong kind of people.

I moved against Emeric until he let me go. Stepping away from him, I had enough thought to turn off the burners and remove the food from them. I began pacing the living room. “My greenhouse, my office, and library, all of my belongings. It’s the place I feel like I can be myself. I have everything I need there.”

“We’ll bring it here,” Oleander offered. “We can set it up like it was there.”

“No, you don’t get it.” Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t even fight them, not while my world was being ripped apart. “That’s my safe space. You can’t just move the items within and start over. Well, maybe you can, but I can’t.” I paced away, stopping when I got to the floor-to-ceiling windows. “I never needed a house that big, but Jordan offered it. There was too much room, more than I ever thought I could fill. While I didn’t have to, I made it my home.” Turning, I faced them. They watched me with similar expressions of sorrow. They didn’t understand what it was like for me. “I can let go in there.”

“Sylvan,” Oleander whispered, stepping toward me.

I shook my head. “No. I have to get some air.” I walked past them, needing to get out of the apartment. The looks on their faces were like I had torn out their hearts by walking away. I didn’t mean to hurt them, but they didn’t understand what this was doing to me.

The elevator didn’t take long to arrive. I half expected Emeric and Oleander to come after me. They didn’t. The elevator was empty when I stepped inside, but it stopped a few floors down where Sheldon got on.

“Hey,” he said with an up nod. “We’re all sorry that happened. We’re here for whatever you need. I’m here.”