Page 28 of Emeric

“Do you want the raw honesty?”

“Always. Don’t say words you don’t mean.” It was easy to be bolder around him when I didn’t have to face him.

“I didn’t like that he was here, and I wasn’t. You didn’t invite me. I was jealous and wanted to be included with you both.”

“Instead of saying that, you reacted in anger. I understand the situation you’re in, with the reason you’re here being stressful, but that wasn’t what it was about. Had Emeric not been here, you would have been fine.” I placed my hands on the counter to stop them from shaking, keeping him at my back. “I didn’t deserve your irritation.”

He stepped closer, his cologne reaching me. “I’m sorry, Syl. Truly. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Neither of you deserved that. You did nothing wrong.”

I finally got the nerve to turn and face him, leaning my waist against the counter, only able to hide from him for so long. Oleander was so close, I noticed how dark his brown eyes were tonight. “No, I didn’t, and neither did Emeric. You can’t behave this way with me. It’s not acceptable.”

“I know.” He hung his head and stuffed his hands into his jeans’ pockets. “You should go spend time with him. I can take care of heating up dinner.”

The dejected tone of his voice about did me in. “I’m not going to drop everything to sit with Emeric and act like nothing else is going on. You’re all here for a reason. I’ll help anyway I can, even if it’s preparing food.” The urge to tell him how much I desired him was strong. He admitted to being jealous. Hearing I wanted him too would change the mood of this conversation. It didn’t feel right without Emeric though.

It was strange how the dynamic changed. Not the way I felt about Oleander, but that I had feelings for another man too. Sometimes life led me down wild paths. It had a reason, even if I couldn’t tell what it was at first.

“Syl, please,” he pleaded.

“Please, what?”

“I…”

Emeric entered the kitchen, causing Oleander to take a step back, but Emeric came up alongside him and put his hand on Oleander’s back. “You’re fine where you were. If you weren’t, Sylvan would have told you so. You don’t have to step away on my account.” Then Emeric’s eyes met mine, and he smiled. “Do you need help?”

“Sure, if you’d like to join in the reheating fun.”

“Absolutely.”

He released Oleander and began grabbing plates and silverware to place on the table.

“What did I miss?” Oleander asked.

“As I’d said,” Emeric began, “Now’s not the time to talk about this. We have more pressing matters.”

“Right. I’m going to see what I can do in the other room.”

“Okay, but remember that we’re not excluding you. It’s simply the circumstances of the situation.”

He nodded, then turned and left the room.

Minutes ticked by as I reheated and Emeric set the table, including getting drinks for everyone. I could hear them in the other room talking with Jordan on the phone, his sharp words coming through the speaker with enough bite that the people who did this had better run far and fast.

“A little better now?” Emeric asked once we were ready to bring the others in.

“Yes. When the call comes in that people will be arriving, my anxiety goes into high gear. I don’t worry about the home being attacked or those in it. It’s the influx of others in the house that sets me on edge.”

“It’s understandable, given you’re alone most of the time. I think anyone would be a little unsettled having their space interrupted like that.”

“I’m not so sure about that, but thank you for saying it. And thank you for being so kind about my anxiety. Not everyone is.”

He came closer to me, his eyes meeting mine. “No one should say a word about your anxiety unless they’re offering ways to help ease it.”

“I wish that were the case, not just for me. There are so many who don’t understand mental health issues, let alone want to try to. If they see someone with anxiety, they tell them to relax. Like it’s that easy. Sure, I’ll calm down on command. All of my worries will melt away.” I rolled my eyes. People’s insensitivity was astounding at times. “Or if someone is depressed, they’ll get asked, what do you have to be sad about? They don’t want to learn why these things occur and how to help. It’s easier to pretend it’s not an issue and carry on because it’s not smacked in their face all the time.”

“You’re right. When someone has a physical disability, it’s visible. They’re not always treated fairly either. When the disability isn’t visible, like mental health or chronic pain, it’s easier to dismiss. It shouldn’t be that way for anyone with a disability. I wish it weren’t. I keep hoping one day we’ll live in a world where everyone cares about everyone else and not only about themselves.”

“I’d love for that to happen, although it couldn’t feel farther from reality. I’m fortunate to be able to advocate for myself. There are others out there who can’t.” There were times in the past when if I hadn’t advocated for myself, I wouldn’t have gotten the care I needed. No one should have to fight to get help.