Page 17 of Emeric

If I put myself out there, what would it look like? I could ask Oleander on a date, and what? Invite him over for dinner? The thought of sitting down at a restaurant made my hands sweat. I wasn’t a fan of being on display in front of others. Did I get takeout? Yes, because I wanted to enjoy the food. The last time I went to sit down somewhere was probably Jordan’s steakhouse before I moved into this house and agreed to what he’d proposed.

Which led me to the question of why Oleander would want to be with me. What did I have to offer him? If not Oleander, then did I ask Emeric? The same questions applied. These men could have anyone they wanted. What would they think of me asking them on a date?

The room started to spin, so I closed my eyes and sank into the couch. Was I really sitting here wondering what it would be like to date two men? I couldn’t handle my attraction to Oleander, and now I was thinking about Emeric. Good god, what was going on?

I couldn’t do this right now. It made everything go wobbly when I thought about it. I also knew myself. By not doing it now, it would get filed away in the land of never-going-to-happen. Talking myself out of doing things or procrastinating over them was a skill I excelled at.

Maybe I should call it a day and go back to reading. Avoidance was another skill of mine. If I didn’t think about it, did I need to take care of it?

I was a wreck of a human, but I’d accepted that long ago. Would anyone else want to as well? I was starting to wonder if I’d ever have the courage to find out.

7

EMERIC

“Why are you single?” I asked my sister.

We had a standing lunch every Friday. It was a good way to end the week, catch up, and stay current with each other’s lives. Given how busy we were, this break also allowed us time to bounce ideas off each other if necessary.

There was a restaurant in my hotel, but we chose to eat in a conference room away from other people. This not only kept our conversations private, but leaned into the whole away-from-everything feel. Our phones were on, but they weren’t on the table. Our assistants knew not to interrupt us unless it was urgent.

It didn’t matter how much time we tried to take for ourselves; the truth was, we got very little. If we didn’t have our lunches, I worried one or both of us would combust from the sheer amount of stress we were under.

Lana dabbed the napkin to her mouth. “I haven’t found someone I can tolerate for more than a night. The kind of men I attract love a successful woman in power, until they realize that power extends to all aspects of my life. I’m not looking for someone to come in and take over. I answer to no one.”

“Don’t you get lonely?”

“Did you miss the part about tolerating someone for more than a night? When I’m lonely, I find a man, ride him hard, get off, and go home. I don’t have time for anything else, nor do I want it.”

Groaning, I said, “I didn’t need to know that. Loneliness doesn’t just mean sex.”

“For some. For me, it does. I can keep myself entertained outside of sex. Hell, I can take care of myself there too, but choose not to all the time. I like to be alone, Em.” She shrugged and focused on her salmon.

Ever since I’d spent time with Oleander and then with Sylvan, I couldn’t help but wonder how much better my life would be if I had someone in it. Or maybe two someones. I blamed Jordan for that. Seeing him with his partners made it real. Before the Altair family settled down, I hadn’t given much thought to being with more than one man, outside of a night of fun. But then Jordan’s nephew, Perry, showed up in the news with two men by his side. After that, I’d noticed others. It had to be for a reason, right? They were doing something they couldn’t get enough of. Dick was the obvious answer, but it was more than that. Sex wasn’t everything. These men were in love. It was plain as day in the photos I’d seen and when I was in the presence of Jordan and his partners.

Lana, loudly placing her fork on the table, drew my attention to her. She cocked an eyebrow. “Are you going to tell me, or do we have to find another topic that skates around whatever’s bothering you before you get to the point?”

“If you weren’t my sister, I’d question if you like me at all.”

“Blood doesn’t always equate to family. It does for us, but not everyone. And I like you just fine.” She winked, then picked up her fork again.

My sister wasn’t the warm and fuzzy type. She was compassionate when necessary and would drop everything if I truly needed her. Affection wasn’t her go-to.

“What if I’m lonely?” I asked.

“Then find someone, unless you already have.”

“I’m not sure what I’ve found, if anything at all.”

“I need more details.”

After taking a deep breath and letting it out, I told Lana about Oleander coming over, leaving out the part about his daughter. That was his business, not mine. Then I told her about going to the safe house and meeting Sylvan.

“He’s a sweet man,” she said. “You could do much worse than him. Although, I’m not sure about Oleander. I wouldn’t have picked a mafia guard for you.”

“You’d pick who then?”

“No one, really, just not someone from Jordan’s staff. You used to be against being part of that life, and here you are.” She liked to throw that back at me every now and then.