Page 46 of Darkened Promises

I listened to him, and now he needs to hear me.

“Life has dealt shitty hands to all of us. I don’t blame you for any of this. You aren’t in control of anyone else’s actions, and you couldn’t have guessed what was going to happen. None of us could have.”

He lets out a defeated sound. “Nate did.”

Blowing out a breath, I try not to let the trickle of warmth at the thought of my protector distract me.

“Nate is suspicious of everyone and is an expert catastrophiser. He’s always going to doubt everyone first. I didn’t see it coming, and he was my boss for a while. Does that mean I brought it on myself?”

I meant the question as a way for him to understand that we aren’t accountable, but I can’t help the familiar doubt that creeps in.

I should’ve seen it coming.

Did I smile too much at him? Was I too nice? Too provocative? What made me different? What could I have done differently?

It feels like these questions are going to forever haunt me, following me with every future interaction, every conversation I have, so I will doubt everything. Fear everyone.

Max grabs my shoulders and pushes me back so quickly that my vision spins. Then his face blocks out the world.

Anger forms a snarl across his lips. “Don’t you fucking dare. You don’t get to have those thoughts. You did nothing wrong.” His voice cracks, emotion breaking and reforming into something sorrowful instead of hard and hate-filled.

God, how can we both heal each other when we’re so broken ourselves?

A sobbing bubble of laughter escapes me, then creases form around his mouth and between his brows as he cups my face. It feels as though he’s trying to peer in and identify where my brain has snapped. Not even the news from the doctor confirming I’m all clear from her tests brought out a smile. However, us throwing our anger at each other? Apparently, that will do it.

“We’re just two broken peas,” I choke out, laughter still filtering through the tears trickling down my cheeks.

I know I’m turning hysterical, but I can’t seem to help it.

His shoulders ease a fraction, and he leans his forehead against mine. His lips are so close to mine, I can almost feel them, except with his hands holding my face, I can’t close the gap like I want to. He used to be so free with his kisses, and right now, I just want to get lost in them. To go back to a time where we laughed plenty and kissed easily.

He groans, nose nudging against mine. “Fuck, honeybee. We really are, and I’m so sorry.”

At my nickname, some of the worry eases. It’s familiar.

“No more apologies. We’re too exhausted for those. I just want us to figure out a way to heal. Together. I need you, Maxi. My life is too cold, too dark, without you in it.” I hiccup, and my tears slow. “I hate feeling you pull away from me. Please…please don’t,” I whisper, my eyes falling closed at the admission.

He tugs me in, wrapping his arms tightly around me, and rests his chin on my crown.

“I can’t seem to get it right. No matter what I do, I pick the wrong option and hurt you,” he admits, his arms squeezing tighter.

“You don’t pick the wrong option. I think you don’t trust in yourself, and you place too much blame on yourself for things that aren’t in your control. Trust me, I know that one, and I’ve done it for many years,” I reply, nuzzling against the warmth of his chest, basking in the soft fabric and the scent of him.

“I don’t know how to let go of it all,” he mutters into my hair.

The sensation sends a shiver down my spine. He rubs a hand up and down my back, and the heat from his hand seeps into me.

“I think you’re being overly optimistic if you expect to just wake up and feel better. I think this is all supposed to take time, and we have to put the work in. But we can do it together?” I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing for his response.

I can’t lie to him and say there’s a magical method that erases all your hurt, regrets, anger…because there isn’t. I just hope that he wants to try. All of this will be much harder to get through without him.

“Okay. Together,” he agrees.

The breath I’d been unconsciously holding leaves me in a long exhale.

I press a kiss to his chest, burrow closer, and hug him tighter.

TWENTY-SIX