Page 13 of Begin Again

“No, not even close. I’m trying to explain how it was. I was twenty-two and had spent half my college days fucking around. My grandfather had been the only one left to believe I’d make my mark one day, and I lost him. I never showed him proof I’d ever succeed. My father left long ago, and it’s not a damn excuse, but I struggled to figure out if it’d been something I did to make him leave.”

“You never told me you felt like that,” she murmured, flashing back to those brief instances she’d asked about his dad, and he’d shut down with a lopsided smile. He’d hidden that part of himself. The hurt that sliced through her was ridiculous. Yes, she’d told him everything, but maybe she’d been completely wrong about the relationship she believed they’d had.

“I wasn’t even sure what I felt, babe.” The familiar endearment scorched her ears, but she didn’t tell him to stop. “Losing my grandfather messed me up a bit. I wanted to be so much better for him, for you, for myself. The only path that made sense was to give myself the time and space to grow into what I always wanted. A man to stand as your partner.”

“You were always that to me. I just wish you would have told me this stuff instead of shutting down. Making me believe you didn’t love me the way I loved you.”

He’d never once confessed he felt intimidated by her. Suddenly, shame filled her, along with doubt. Was this what men thought of her? Was she so independent that she pushed everyone away, making them feel unworthy? Had she bullied him into leading a life she wanted instead of allowing him to choose? Had losing her mother so young twisted her into a woman who’d never be able to need a man the way they craved?

The thoughts spun in her head and sickened her stomach. Suddenly, she needed to get away and think. Process everything he’d thrown at her in the past hour. She jumped up from the booth and stumbled back a few steps. “I-I need a minute. I have to go.”

A muscle clenched in his jaw. “Oh, hell, no. Not like this. Not believing what you’re telling yourself right now.” He threw down his napkin and stood up.

She shook her head, ready to scream. “Leave me alone.” Vision blurred, she veered toward the back of the pub, down a shadowed hallway leading to the restrooms. The demons inside whispered, taunting, reaching deep into her insecurities and throwing them at her with a mad glee.

A firm grip on her arm stalled her escape. He turned her around and her back bumped up against the wall. Chloe tilted her head up to meet his gaze head on. “Everything you’re thinking is wrong. It was my fault for the way I handled things. Never yours.”

A shiver slid down her spine. He was mad. She rarely saw this side of him, his good-natured personality rarely allowing him to experience such volatile emotions, but the man a few inches in front of her was not the boy she remembered.

Pale blue eyes glinted with a fiery intent as he laid his fingers over her shoulders, holding her in place. The scent of him assaulted her full-force, a clean combination of lemon and soap, his breath scented with a sting of heated whiskey and coffee. There was no hesitation or searching for permission as his gaze raked over her with a simmering hunger that thrilled her to the core. She fought the feeling, hanging on to the mix of anger, frustration, and self-shame his words had evoked from within. “You don’t know what I’m thinking,” she challenged, practically sneering the words. “And my thoughts are no longer your business.”

“Yes, I do. You’re spouting a bunch of crap in your head about who you are. Wondering if you should have played the role of helpless female, asking for advice you don’t need just so you could stroke my damn ego. But that’s not what my leaving was about, and I will not allow you to go there.”

Her chest eased from his statement, but she was too worked up to pull back from the edge and find control. Her fingers curled into fists and she pushed at his chest, squirming with pent-up raw emotion. He didn’t budge, just moved closer, invading her space and her mind and her body, taking her back to the sizzling connection they always shared, the intensity of their lovemaking an image never far from her mind. “Oh, so you know it all now?” She shot him a furious glare. “You think you have the right to interpret our past the way you see it, and suddenly everything’s okay? Well, screw you, Owen. You never gave me a chance! You broke my heart and left me believing I wasn’t good enough, so you don’t get to tell me anything!”

Pain ravaged his features. His grip softened, his forehead lowered to hers in a humbling embrace that tore her into tiny pieces. A sob broke from her lips. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you,” he whispered. “That’s something I’ll have to live with.”

Her fisted hands opened and slid around his broad shoulders. Her breasts pressed against the hard rock of his chest, causing her nipples to tighten. “I can’t do this again. I think I hate you.”

She waited for him to retreat, but he pressed a kiss against her temple, ruthlessly gentle while she burned from the inside for more. “I can work with hate. I can dedicate the rest of my life to gaining your forgiveness and trust. I can show you in a thousand different ways how I’ll not only treasure you, but push you to be the most magnificent woman you can. Because I’m not afraid of loving you anymore, Chloe.”

She gasped, the words tormenting, punishing, and giving her a mad, wild hope he didn’t deserve. “Don’t you dare.”

He cupped her chin, his lips an inch from hers. “I dare. I’ve dreamed of coming back and doing anything possible to make you love me again. I’m never going anywhere again and I’ll prove it. I swear, I’ll prove it, babe.”

He gave her a few beats to protest.

Chloe got ready to shove him away and run without a glance back.

Instead, she surged forward and pressed her mouth against his.

Shocking heat exploded between them as his lips moved, explored, claimed, with a confidence and power she’d never experienced. This was no shy boy asking permission or the sweet intent of first love morphing into passion. No, this was a determined assault of her senses as his big body pressed against hers, his hands holding her head still while his teeth nipped at her bottom lip with delicious seduction, tempting her to open. She moaned, digging her nails into his shoulders, and his tongue surged forward, possessing her completely.

He kissed with purpose, on the raw edge of control, his tongue tasting, tangling with hers, then plunging deep, not allowing her to hide anymore.

Chloe didn’t want to.

She surrendered to the moment and gave in, battling him with her own demands, tilting her hips so his erection notched between her thighs, sliding her fingers up into his hair to tug, pull, and hold him close as he plundered her mouth. The past faded into blurry edges of memory, replaced by a new sexual need screaming for release, and she fell into the kiss with everything she had left, everything she’d always kept only for him.

Slowly, he pulled away, sliding his lips against hers over and over in tiny nips and kisses as if he couldn’t stand to leave her. He whispered her name, caressed her hair with slightly trembling fingers, then stared into her eyes.

The truth exploded between them in all its bitter, biting glory.

It was still there.

Worse, it was stronger than before, as if the years between them had allowed the hunger to grow to monstrous proportions. Heart slamming against her ribs, she gazed back at him, too stunned to do anything but utter the first words in her head.

“This is too much.”