Page 104 of Almost Not Quite Engaged

“Yes,” I say.

“You’re mining joy and feeling positive?”

I answer tentatively now. “Yes.”

“You’re a fucking moron.”

I sit up and my cucumbers fall off my eyes. “Pardon me?”

“You’re being stupid.” She doesn’t even take the mask off so I do and fling it onto her lap.

She turns to me. “Zane. You’re not pen pals. You’re not enemies or rivals. You’re much more than friends but less than full on anything yet, and the more you fight it the more it’s going to come barreling down on you.”

“It’s for the moms and the money.” She doesn’t flinch, she must have known about the money. Colin, the ultimate secret keeper. “It’s fake.”

“Until it isn’t,” she says with a knowing glance since she was in a supposed pretend marriage which turned out to never be pretend.

“He was never nothing and you deserve everything. Speech over, let’s fill our bodies with booze and put you on a plane so you can go discover the Wizard of Oz of it all.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You’re searching for the real you?”

“Yes.” I roll my eyes and slide a little on the chair.

“You’re already her. But take your time, it’s a hell of a journey you’re on. Oh, and you’re a moron.” Ginny pours us both more from the pitcher of water and wipes her hands clean.

A woman comes into the room and bellows, “Kate.” No one else gets up so I figure it’s for me.

“He’s sitting right in front of you. You keep moaning about how you have nothing but you keep overlooking all the wonderful somethings. Stop it. Now go lose a layer of skin.”

“Stop scolding me into loving that man,” I say.

“Whatever it takes,” she says, picking up her mask again.

I walk away and stick my tongue out at her and follow Irina to a small room. She points to the back of the door hooks and to the table. Then says a bunch of things including pointing to a shower. She shows me how to wash off and I move towards it. She grabs me and pulls me back, shakes her head and says it all again. Guess the shower’s later. I nod. Fucking Latin.

She leaves and I remove my robe and look at the thing she pointed to on the bed which is coated in plastic, so that’s not going to be comfortable. I’m already slippery like a seal.

There’s a little package of two things made out of some flexible kind of paper. One is a tube-like strip and the other has three holes. She did point to my hair. She must need it up for the scrub. And the other must be to protect my resort band that opens our doors and pays for things. I wrap the strap around my wrist to cover up the band and then tuck all of my hair up into this weird hat that has giant holes for my ears. Was there a Fae in here that complained the earholes weren’t big enough?

I laugh at myself and then try to climb onto the table but keep slipping off. I throw myself on it and my hands scrabble to find anything to hang on but I slide right off and land with a thud on my ass. Irina and friends run in and I’m pussy out on the floor. I was trying to get face down before the goods were out but between the slidy sheet and my oiled up body, no prayer of dignity.

I stand up and wave to them in all my nakedness. They look between each other and laugh. I look behind me and then down at my body. These women are howling at my body. I know my tits are big and my stomach not as small as I’d like it but what the hell is happening here.

“Fuck you all.” One of them scurries out, Irina approaches me like I’m an animal that’s slipped its cage. What is happening? “I’m about to be sold at a weird ritual auction aren’t I? You should know I’m not a virgin,” I say in a panicked voice. “Come on you’ve seen worse bodies than this.” I wiggle my hips a moment and then a voice freezes my feet to the floor. The laughter is a roar from the women now. And before anyone can stop this, he’s in the doorway.

“Harpy, we need to talk and we need to do it n… What the hell is happening here?”

I stare at Zane, who stares at my oiled up tits and raises an eyebrow, the women are dying laughing and trying to shove him away.

One woman screams and covers Zane’s eyes.

“Nothing he hasn’t seen before, people. He’s my fiancé. Let him go. But someone tell me what the hell is going on.”

Ginny careens around the corner. “Zane? Oh my fucking god, Kat.”

She doubles over laughing, Irina tries to throw a towel at me but misses. Zane whips off his button down shirt, steps through the women who are crying laughing now. He shoves it over my head covering up my body. He’s standing there in a white undershirt. Zane is standing in front of me but I can’t hear him over the hooting in the doorway or the blood thumping in my brain. I pinch his arm.