Page 100 of Almost Not Quite Engaged
Zane
We took a cab deep into the outskirts of Jodhpur to see a temple Porter saw in a book when he was little. That’s right Porter is here with me. At first I’m struck by the state of the homes and streets but as we travel through the streets, I see the poverty but miss the abundance. It’s when we sit still in the center square India’s bursting at the seams with reverence. It’s as if they got an extra shot of fortitude and patience. I get angry if my internet takes more than fifteen seconds. It seems silly sitting here under a tree, sipping a warm orange drink. The sheer pleasure they derive from a sunny day or music is deeper than I think I have the capacity for. I’m ashamed I mocked Serge or laughed at Ginny’s bindi. Without noticing, I start squinting through my third eye.
-K
We’re all back on the train early watching the country pour out in front of us. We go to sleep early, no foreign liquors or Facetiming. I want to pray. I don’t quite remember how to do it. I do what’s become my prayer, my release. I write in the email again.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Things I hope I’m brave enough to say someday
Late. Somewhere between Jodhpur and Agra
My Zane
Grateful.
XO,
Your Kat.
“We’ve done something wrong,” Courtney says as I sit exhausted after snapping away for hours.
“How do you mean?” Porter asks.
“If this is love, we’ve been doing it wrong.” I laugh as we stare straight ahead at the Taj Mahal.
“I mean he built me a school but it’s not this. Damn.”
Hugging them goodbye feels both healing and terribly sad.
“It’s ok, you’re headed to a beach. Rough life you’ve got there, sis.” I hold him tighter.
“Is it okay if I try to pull a Porter and get my life together?”
He kisses me on the head and says, “Absolutely not. You will continue to pull a Kat in the perma-stained shirt.”
I back up and look down. “Dammit. I just did all this laundry.” I pick at the berry-stained crumbs stuck on my shirt.
“I hate this,” Courtney says with tears streaming down her face.
“I’ll be back in a couple weeks.”
She blubbers, “And then what? Gallivant off with your new continental friends and only return for a couple of days at Christmas. Then what will I do?”
I pull her into a hug. “You’ll have babies and make Mom happy.”
She grins and nods through her tears. “Someone has to make her happy.”
“Hey. I make her happy, it’s only Kat that makes her miserable.”
I flash my ring, “Nope, I’m the chosen one right now, so suck it.” I kiss them both and bolt onto the plane so I don’t lose it in front of everyone.
The Seychelles await.
Chapter 49
