Page 40 of Keep Vegas

Someone thought they were doing the old folks a solid and dropped off a supply of this body oil and lotion that apparently never ends. It’s faux floral and stinky as hell. Four women claimed it, and now permanently smell like acrid, sweet two-week-old roses mixed with what I believe might be menthol. It’s totally messed up the plumbing systems in their apartments and houses. The pool has a rainbow film on it after aqua aerobics class. If you happen to touch them, your hand slides right off. Poor Dottie had to give up wearing bangles because she couldn’t keep them on her wrist. When these dear women die, I swear if they’re cremated, they’ll go up in a fiery burst of glory, and if they’re buried, that silk will be grease-stained forever. Chelle, Julia, and Lana pat Dottie on the back in solidarity, but I glare at them not to interfere. They like to stir shit up.

Scott eyes me, and the women all swoon. Three of the Slipperies are real trouble. Dottie just wants to be in the cool crowd, and I can control her.

“Give me that buzzer, Scott, and no one gets hurt.”

“You’ll never get me, copper!”

He’s in the hallway careening around a corner, BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. People are jumping out of the way, and I step it up.

I catch him rather easily once I run in earnest. Still, I’m afraid he’ll accidentally drive over my foot if I get too close.

“Scott, stop it or I’ll make sure no one serves you down at the pub. I swear to God, you’ll go to bed sober and alone with nothing to comfort you but that buzzer.”

The scooter stops immediately. He swings around abruptly, taking out a portion of the hedge.

“You know how to get a man in the nads, don’t you?”

“If you’re saying I’m good at my job, then yes.”

He offers up the buzzer, and I approach cautiously. I snatch it from him before he can back the scooter away. I knew he wasn’t ready to surrender it. He charges at me, and I have one shot at this. I skid the buzzer like a shuffleboard puck, and it slides under his wheels, and with one last gasp of a BZZzzghark, he runs over it.

“There! Nothing’s taboo now.” I yell.

He glides past me and smacks my ass. “You got that right.” And cackles the entire distance back into the rec complex.

I collect the pieces and throw them away. Game day is always lively and often ends in violence. I’m not sure why it’s still on the agenda. I want to share this with Tony. Maybe if I start small. Tell him I work at an old folks’ home. Well, a retirement community for the elder set of people in the world. That’s how they describe it.

Shit, if I unravel one thing, it all comes down.

tony

Work is madness right now, but she’s all I think about. The texting is nice. But I don’t like how I have to keep checking for a response. I rub my eyes and try to clear the long day away.

My assistant, Lill, plunks down a sandwich on my desk.

“That’s a sad looking grey-meated sandwich.”

“It’s all they had.”

I wink at her. “Then salmonella it is. It’s late, you should go. I need to see if the coding works and check on the edits for the first pod.”

“They want you to come by the booth when you’ve finished dinner.”

I sip a Negroni and wink again. “This is dinner.”

“You’re gonna need some more fruit in your drink to make it a balanced meal.” She sits.

“What?”

“Not leaving until you eat.”

“Eh. That’s the weirdest fetish ever.” She laughs, and it’s throaty like she dug it up from the bottom.

MAK: Hi.

I look down and smile.

“Keep it in ya pants, Romeo. No more weddings. I like this job.”