Page 38 of Keep Vegas

I nod and my father says, “I’m so frazzled by a third divorce and the fifth member of your fan club to go on our post-Tony-relationship payroll.”

My mom blurts out, “Wait until you figure out what you do want instead of trying on all the wrong ones.”

“Not to be weird, but I want you. I want a partner. Someone who still excites me after years together.” My mom reaches over and takes my father’s hand.

I smile. “See. How the hell am I supposed to find the perfect relationship when I’m living up to this shit?”

My mother gives me the stink eye.

“Sorry. I want someone who wants me. Just me. And I’m so afraid that they’ll slip through my fingers that the moment I like someone—”

“You marry them.” My father finishes my sentence.

“I see now that’s not a good plan.” I cross my arms. I know what’s coming, thanks to Dax.

“Tony, I hate doing this. But I need for you to stay single.”

“Seems everyone wants that.”

Mom pipes in, “Not your friends. They’d lose the bet.”

I scoff as I lean back on the bookshelves. “Does Dax tell you everything?”

My mom answers, “Yes.”

“Give us some time, like a year to clean up this divorce, survive the media cycle, which I’m hoping you’ll control as much as possible, and get past this. We need to shore up some voting blocks of shareholders and I can’t have you giving them ammo. Two of your past paramours’ palimonies will be off our books in eleven months and then we’ll revisit this. I don’t want to remove you from the company, but I will. You need to sign these documents that state you’ll step down if I say so.”

“Can’t you just ground me?”

My mom laughs. “I think you need to be alone for a while. You need to get a hobby. Take up yoga like Hayden or gardening like Colt.”

I roll my eyes. “Work and getting married are my hobbies.”

My father puts his hands on his knees as he sits down.

“Fine. I’ll endure this shitty deal for the good of the work I love and the beloved fucking money. But here’s my counter: I stay single. I forgo, even if I find the one, any relationship and I get Ladd Media, free and clear. I walk away with all my assets, resources, staff, support staff, and I buy you out of the stock. I want to take it private. I’ll change the name if you want, but I’m done bolstering the appliances and insurance divisions while getting hung out to fucking dry because I suck at being married.”

“Son.”

I interrupt him, “Seems like a dream deal to unload your black sheep.”

He reaches out his hand. “Deal. But I’ll give it to you, you don’t have to buy me out.” Then he pulls me into a hug and says only to me. “You can fuck around, son, but you need to reexamine your screening process. Laura has a real dick of a lawyer, and it’s going to get very, very ugly.”

My mother speaks up, “Her power-hungry, social-climbing parents won’t have it any other way. Her father is a shark, and he smells blood in the water, I’m afraid.”

“She’s a pawn and he’s coming for me through you.”

“Understood, let him try.” Our holdings have been shaky, and we might be in a tight spot, but I’m sure we’re fine.

My dad slaps my back and says, “I’m doing this for your protection. For the company your great-grandfather built and to ensure that it’s around for a long while. We need to finally put Bugle in the rearview.” Always the legacy and God forbid we have one business conversation where we don’t bring up my billion-dollar Bugle blunder.

“I’m sorry I’m such a fuck-up.”

“I’ve never seen you as that. Now, take the year to figure that out for yourself and nail this new project. It’s vital you keep your head down and get this done, son. No fodder for the shareholders or the divorce attorneys. Keep it tight, son.”

My mom pinches my cheek again. “And don’t get married, or engaged again until you’ve dated for at least a year. And don’t date at all this year. Do you hear me? No more infatuation ceremonies or rings. Ugh, the wasted jewelry you’ve handed out.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” I ask her.