Page 92 of Present Tense

I fight the happy tears and bask in my scary, unknown, messy future.

“I guess we are. And I know just the house I want to buy.” I grin, knowing it will be a win-win for all involved. Eventually.

54

JILLIEN

Ethan confirmed that Liam would be gone for a couple of days. He’s closing on the Pine Street house and visiting his mother. Lisa will be dealt with eventually. Lisa denied me my forever once; not happening again.

It’s been almost three months since I stalked and seduced him. It took that long to convince all parties I was going to do this. Myself included. But Meg was the most difficult. She didn’t want us to move or take over ChiKid. The easiest sell on this idea, or should I say sell out, was Florinda Johnson. We just told her that both Lisa and Bev would be irritated and she could rest easy. We convinced her it was a W in her column forever.

“I’m so freaking nervous,” Ethan says.

“I know!” I say too loudly. We haven’t really set anything up but essentials. We got rid of most of our things since this house is so much smaller than Chicago. And I wanted a clean slate. I have grand plans for both houses, but first, I need him to want us back. I don’t even know where his head is at, but I do know he’s not seeing anyone. Or he lied to Ethan and Jake, who snooped for me. Ethan’s enrolled in the little local school. He spends hours a day online with Ben, and I let him. Meg, Jake, and their brood are coming out to visit in a couple of weeks. The boys will split holidays and months in the summer, alternating between here and Chicago. What’s left after that is for Christopher. We talked, and I apologized. He did, too. He even offered to come visit; well, he offered to stay in a hotel in Boston, and we could go see him. But it’s a small effort. More than I usually give him credit.

My dad gets out of rehab next week and moves to the Pacific Northwest. My brother has several properties and set him up with a house that backs up to his own. It’s a different enough environment. And he said he wanted to be there to meet the new kid and be a part of the baby’s life. He also said he wasn’t ready to see me. It hurt, but I get it. I was a part of his toxic life for so long. I guess I can wait a little longer for an apology. It stings that everyone else has gotten one but me. Hell, he made amends with my mom’s ex-boyfriend, but Ethan and I remain in the undone column.

No one has fessed up that Liam was his contact all this time, but I know he was, and I asked Ethan not to ask him directly. Liam came home late last night, and I didn’t sleep a wink. I just fantasized about him in bed with me. Holding me, and of course, bringing me to endless orgasms. Then falling asleep wrapped in his giant arms. I want all of that now. I’m pacing around the house, and Ethan keeps rolling his eyes at me.

I’m pacing. I’ve done light makeup. Not enough to make it look like I’m trying, just enough to not look my age. My hair is perfect, and I’m in the magic yoga pants. And these suckers better not let me down today. Ethan already plans to bike into town, check out the bookstore, and take himself to lunch. He said so we could talk things through. I know he believes that. But I’m going to pounce on that man’s cock the first moment I can.

“Where is he? You said he does coffee on the deck every day.”

“How the hell do I know if it’s every day?”

“But you said.”

“I was here one morning, and he could have been trying to get away from me,” I snipe back at him.

Ethan throws a napkin at me. “Then what are we going to do? This plan is going to shit.”

“Language,” I admonish.

“It is, though.”

I throw the napkin back at him. Then I waggle my head back and forth. “I know.”

Ethan goes to the kitchen and starts rinsing his cocoa cup. He must be nervous. He never does dishes voluntarily. “Mom! He’s up. I see him. He’s heading for the door.”

I grab my mug and fluff my hair. “Showtime. I’m scared. I mean, it’s not like the rest of my life is at stake or anything.”

“OMG with the drama. Aren’t you tired of being the center of it? Get out there, now!” I open the sliding glass door and turn to close it behind me. He shoves me away and keeps the door open, then pulls a chair to the door so he can hear but not be seen.

I walk to the edge of my deck and lean, overlooking the ocean. My adrenaline is in overdrive, and my hand is shaking. I grab the weathered wood, hoping it doesn’t crumble from the sheer force of my grip. He looks so good. Relaxed in his gray Henley and coral flowered shorts. Fucking geeky prep is adorable. I think I’ve developed an L.L. Bean kink. I want to be tied up with some of those mittens on a string or a woven robe belt. I get wet just looking at whales embroidered on anything, and don’t get me started on plaid. It makes me go into heat. He’s looking at the ocean and lifts his mug to his mouth. I glance at him, and his eyes become wide as saucers.

My voice cracks, and he hears it. “Morning.” I nod and toast him with the cup, then stare back at the ocean. My ocean. My piece of everything. My balls-to-the-wall-all-in move. Please fucking pay off. Please. Otherwise, this is going to get super awkward, and I’ll end up alone surrounded by corgi hair and Florinda Johnson’s creepy crocheted stuffed animal collection she left behind.

He comes to the edge of his deck that faces mine. He looks around frantically as I observe him in my peripheral. Then he addresses me.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Jilly?” My heart leaps that he calls me Jilly, and not Jillien.

I pull a faux angry face and say, “Language. There are children near.” I shuffle my feet back and forth and bend one knee. Hope it’s sexy. Sexy enough to promise me a lifetime. I’m insane. This was a dumb idea. All of this is stupid. I’m terrible at flirting. I feel sixteen, but I guess that’s the entire point.

He looks around again. “E? He’s here?!”

“Why wouldn’t he be here? I mean, we live here, duh.” I grin at him and look back at the ocean. He bolts inside.

I panic a bit. “E. He’s gone.” Ethan pops out of the chair and runs to the front of our house to get a better look next door.