Page 60 of Present Tense

“Seems this table is our face-off spot. I’m down. Go for it,” I say.

“Don’t try to speak like me.” I’m not.

“Watch your tone. I haven’t done anything yet to warrant it. I’ll let you know when it’s time to be disrespectful.” He nods sharply as if he realizes he came in too hot.

“You’ve been having…”

I see where he’s going with this.

“Go ahead, Ethan. I meant it, you can ask me anything and you have my word, I’ll be direct. I don’t have kids. I don’t know the traditional bullshit of couching things to protect them. No matter how long I’m around or we know each other, I’ll always be truthful with you.”

“I agree to be honest as well.” He puts his hand out to shake like we’re sealing an ancient pact or a multibillion dollar deal.

“You and my mom have been to bed together. Even though she won’t let you stay when I’m here. You have, right?”

“Yes. Does that bother you?”

“I mean, it’s creepy as hell to think about, but maybe.”

I stand and walk to the fridge. I grab the milk and chocolate syrup. I’ve seen him make himself a glass before. I can’t fix him an alcoholic drink. I’m hoping chocolate milk will substitute for an adult beverage.

He doesn’t react when I put the chocolate milk down in front of him. He does sip it, though.

“Are you going to hurt her?”

“Not intentionally.”

“You’re planning on it, then.”

I chuckle. “No. But in relationships, sometimes it happens. I hurt your mother’s feelings the other day, but we made up. But I’ll never intentionally hurt her.”

“That’s why she was a ‘b-word’ the other day. For my sake, don’t do that again.”

I laugh at him and sip my coffee. He’s a good human.

“I’ll try my hardest. But as long as I’m around, I’d like for you not to hate me.”

“Not promising that. It’s weird. And it’s going to be screwed up for her that you’re back in Philly.”

I can’t imagine what it would be like to all of a sudden have to share Jillien. When her attention is solely on you, it’s intoxicating, and now as I think this, I realize I do know what it’s like to share her. I don’t like it, either.

“Ethan, let’s just play it out, ok? Let me confide in you. Don’t tell your mother, I’ll tell her when I’m ready, but I want you to prepare for it. Tell me what you think.”

“Really?”

I nod and say, “I was offered contract work in Chicago. I don’t know if I’m going to take it, but I’m thinking about it. And I’m leaning toward saying yes.”

His eyes get wide and his hands fidget. He’s staring at me. The air around us is stagnant as I wait for an almost thirteen-year-old’s approval on my life decision. He slams the rest of his chocolate milk without breaking eye contact. If he’s way against it, there’s much work to be done. He grabs his backpack off the floor and turns his back to me, and my stomach seizes a bit.

Then Ethan grunts as he walks out of the room, “Good.”

I smile and sip my coffee.

38

JILLIEN

He bangs on the door. This can’t be happening. I thought he was still in Philly. He’s not supposed to move here until a couple days from now.