Page 37 of Present Tense

“She made me cover the bra.” I kiss her forehead and we continue walking.

I pull my phone out and I’ve four missed calls and a nasty text from Lisa.

LISA: Selfish ass. As if I don’t have enough to do in order to get my family’s Christmas in shape. Now I have to come get Mother, bring her to my house and haul her back in a couple of days.

LISA: And what am I supposed to say to sweet Nicolette?

I show her the texts. She groans and rolls her eyes.

“I need to finish this, just a minute.” She puts her hands in her pockets.

LIAM: You live twenty minutes away. And I never wanted Nicolette.

LISA: Oh. The prince finally answers. You’re letting everyone down. Your nephew and niece, Mother, poor Nicolette, and me. Your reckless behavior is causing all this havoc. Fuck you.

I growl and stop walking to answer her. I want to throttle my sister and my mother who clearly told her about Jillien.

LIAM: Why don’t you take Ma to the next ten doctor’s appointments. Or grocery shopping? And I never fucking agreed to the set up. There’s plenty of presents from me sitting under that tree. The kids will forgive me for a moment of happiness.

LISA: Happiness? Are you fucking kidding me? With her? Do you even know who the hell she really is? No. You’re just obsessed with who she was.

LIAM: STOP TALKING ABOUT JILLIEN.

LISA: Make me. I’ll be at Mom’s in fifteen minutes.

LIAM: Don’t text and drive, you moron.

I growl in frustration. I try to run my hands through my beard and fuck me, it’s gone. Just me rubbing my face. Jillien places her hand on my forearm, and I look up from my phone in fury.

“Is everything ok?” she asks.

I don’t speak; I just pull her close and kiss the hell out of her.

“What is with our families today? Fuck. Lisa’s pissed. It’s her favorite sport, ruining everyone’s life.”

I hold her close and I say, “Does Bev know you stayed over?”

“Oh yes.”

“And that we…”

“Yes. And she thinks the decorations are fantastic.”

I wanted to tell her first, without fucking Lisa involved. But it’s temporary, so I don’t get the big fucking deal. “She told me to pack because we’re all going to Lisa’s for Christmas.”

“You fucking kidding me?” I shift to face her a little better but keep hold of her hand. I need my mother out of this. I don’t know how to define all of it, but I do know nothing has ever been solved when Bev and my sister take over. I miss my dad.

She raises her finger and grins. “I told her we weren’t doing that. We’re staying home together.”

“You snapped back at Bev?” And there’s my girl. Perhaps she’s finding herself, the dervish stirring chaos like when she was young. I’ve seen her stand up to my mom when demanding an extra dessert and such. Still, Bev has a way of manipulating even the bravest little girls. The weight of my mother might be too much. But what the fuck does it matter. Jillien leaves me soon. Shit. I can’t open myself all the way to her like this. I’m so confused and consumed by the idea of having Jillien. Not sexually and not the Jillien I knew as a kid. The one who makes me feel possessive and protective and funny and valid. I say, “I don’t want to compromise right now.”

She says, “Your mom said you don’t ask for what you want.”

I take her hand as we cross the street as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. And now that I have her even for a limited time, Jeffery, Lisa, and my mother need to back the fuck off.

“I’ve never wanted anything like this.” The words are out there hanging. Her eyes are wide.

“Me either,” she quietly whispers, and I scoop her into my arms, wishing she understood my whole meaning. I’m so confused. She’s the best part of an old and new relationship. The love-stoned state of constantly wanting each other, but with the safety and familiarity of an old, comfortable relationship.