Page 25 of Hunting Ground

If I am, then I don’t want to wake up.

…And if I am, I’d love to know where the hell my brain conjured Adrien up from.

“I missed you,” I admit at last, still staring out over the water.

“Only because you’re not as intimidating without the two of us standing behind you and looking mean,” Ronan chuckles, but I scoff.

“Nah, I’m plenty intimidating. If I remember correctly–”

“Please don’t bring it up–”

“I was the one protecting you when we were kids. And keeping Ansel out of jail. God, how have you kept him out of prison this long, anyway?” I ask, only half joking.

But Ronan doesn’t answer right away. He turns me in his arms until my back is to the rail and he can study my face from his dark brown eyes that look black in the light from the Ferris wheel behind him. From further off, I can hear Ansel’s voice getting a little louder, a little more irritated, but I don’t care about his squabbling right now.

I care about Ronan. My soft friend with the sweetest puppy eyes who I could never say no to. My hand comes up to press against his face, fingers cold against his cheek, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, Ronan reaches up to press my hand more tightly to his face, and my heart twists in my chest.

"I missed you,” I sigh. “I missed–”

He glances over his shoulder at an indignant yelp from Ansel, then his smile turns wicked as he interrupts me. “Sorry about this,” he chuckles. “Well, not really. But I don’t want to come in last place.”

Without warning, he kisses me. Hard, at first, to pin me in place, but his lips soften against mine, until he’s sweetly begging for permission for more.

Oh fuck, I think to myself. It’s all I can think, honestly, with my body pressed to his warmth. With my hand still on his face, I melt into the unexpected kiss from one of my best friends, until my eyes slide closed and I’m leaning against him.

“What the fuck?!” Ansel suddenly squawks. “You fucking traitor!” Ronan staggers back with a laugh that’s choked off by Ansel’s fist in his hood, though he flashes me a quick grin as he lets himself be pulled.

“Couldn’t come in last, bro,” he teases, whirling on Ansel. “But it’s okay. I’ll let you have a taste anyway.”

And then, in the most shocking thing I’ve seen all night, Ronan kisses Ansel.

I’m floored.

This is something I never could’ve expected. It’s more shocking to me than the murders, the crowbar-murder I’d committed, or Lily’s disappearance.

They’re kissing.

And judging by the way he leans into Ansel and neither of them look particularly put off by the experience, I realize this is probably not their first time.

“What the fuck?” I whisper, parroting Ansel’s reaction.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Adrien leans on the railing beside me, and when I glance at him, his grin widens. “They’re in L-O-V-E love.”

My eyes flick to the water below, then back at him, which only makes him somehow happier.

“I can swim, babe,” he assures me. “And I might accidentally pull you in with me.”

My eyes close, rolling behind my lids, and I have to take a moment to look back towards the two men who I clearly don’t know as well as I used to. “God, you’re annoying,” I inform the stranger, before turning my attention back on Ansel when he nips at Ronan’s lower lip.

Finally, he seems to realize that I’m staring at them. He has the decency to look just a little embarrassed, though he only pulls Ronan more tightly to him, holding him close like he needs to protect him from me.

From me?

Something like hurt flutters to life in my chest. I love these men. I’ve always loved them. And if they’re together, then I couldn’t be happier for them, if that’s what they want. But to stand there and act like I would do something to the contrary is painful.

Ansel searches my face and relaxes, though I can see the guilt in his eyes when he ducks his head and murmurs an apology. “We just didn’t know,” he admits quietly. “How you’d feel about us.”

“Well he just kissed me, so maybe I’m a little confused on the us.” My voice is carefully flat, and I don’t want to give him the wrong impression, so I keep it that way even as my ribs compress around my aching heart.