Page 10 of Give Me Honesty

Joce stood there smiling like a Cheshire cat, and it confused the hell out of me. I had no idea what she was still doing here, and I was ready for her ass to leave because she was starting to freak me out.

“Did I forget something?” I asked her.

“Oh, no. I was talking to Trixie, and she was showing me your YouTube videos. I knew you were talented in the tattoo department, but I had no idea you were a jack of all trades. Your voice is smooth and unique. It reminds me of DMX or even Tupac because of how fluid it is. Have you ever thought of branching out and doing your own music?” she asked.

My eyes shot over to Trixie because I never told her I did music.

“Don’t look at me like that. When Yaya was here a couple of weeks ago, she showed us your videos, and I’ve been watching them on my breaks. Joce just so happened to hear it when she came to pay her balance and started asking questions.” Trix replied with hands lifted in mock surrender.

“Why do you keep your identity a secret. You have a huge following, and it’s obvious people think you're talented. Why are you limiting yourself to covers and music requests when you could be doing so much more?” Her tone reminded me of a parent chastising her child, and it made me laugh.

“I’ve never really thought about it, if I’m being honest. Music is a passion for me, but I don’t have much time or money to put into it. YouTube is just an outlet that allows me to play around with something I enjoy,” I explained.

“Life is too short to let your talent go to waste. Instead of putting passion in other people’s lyrics, you could do the same with the music hidden in your heart. Here, take my card and give me a call when you’re ready to stop sitting on your gift.”

I was completely caught off guard when she handed me a business card with her full name on it. Jocelyn Bergs, Berg Records. When she scheduled the appointment, it was under the last name Lawrence, so I never thought to connect the dots. Her father was the late R&B singer JC Berg, who had been killed in a tragic accident while on tour.

The city held a candlelight vigil for him and even named a street after him to recognize his contributions to Jonah Hills. He was a living legend, but even more so in our small town, because he always gave back and made sure to shout the city out whenever he could.

“Damn, I had no idea. I knew you mentioned your father passed away, but I had no idea you were speaking about a legend in the city. My family and I were at his vigil to pay our respects after he passed. My sister and I love ol’ school R&B, so we had him on heavy rotation at home. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. He had a passion for young people and hidden talent in Jonah Hills. It’s the reason he wanted to start a record label in the first place. He pushed me to go to school so I could learn everything there is to know about the business side of the industry, but his heart was in discovering and cultivating raw talent. From your videos, I can tell you’re exactly the kind of talent he was talking about. I’ll be traveling the next few days, but I’m always available to talk. Don’t miss out on your opportunity, Solo.” She winked, then walked out of the building while I stood there staring at the business card. I loved music more than anything, but was I really ready to put my passion out into the real world?

* * *

“What’s up, ashy elbows? It’s about time your slew-footed ass finally made it over here. It’s a damn shame we have to cook into order to see your crusty ass,” My brother-in-law, Messiah fussed.

He played ball for the Kingston Kings, but he was also the family's unofficial comedian. He got on my damn nerves at times, but over the years, he became someone I trusted more than anyone.

“Man, here you go. I told you I’ve been working longer hours because I’m trying to save up for a new car. You act like we don’t talk almost every day in our family group chat.”

“Fuck a group chat, mothafucka. I want to lay eyes on your Planters peanut-shaped head every once in a while, too. You ain’t that damn busy where you can’t stop by and spend time with your family. I bet if Honesty was here, you would be at the house every day, but since she’s at school, we have to play ‘where’s Waldo’ with your ass.” Messiah grumbled as he removed a pan from the oven and set it on the counter.

“Aww, come on. You’re doing the most right now. I was here like two weeks ago when y’all had that cookout, and I came for Sunday dinner the same weekend. You’re acting like I’ve been gone for months.” I reasoned, but he shook his head, letting me know he wasn’t going for it.

“I don’t want to hear that shit, Solo. Family is forever and you need to make more of an effort to come around. I count on you to be here for your sister when I’m on the road. She might not say it, but she misses you.”

“I tell him all the time, but he still chooses to play Casper with his time.” Yaya pouted, making me feel like a shitty brother.

“My bad, sis. You know it’s not intentional. I love y’all, but sometimes I get in those modes and the only thing on my mind is the money and trying to keep my head above water. I don’t mean to neglect you, and I’m sorry if I made you feel some type of way. I’ll try to do better.” I promised.

Truthfully, it was hard being around my sister and her family because it reminded me of something I never had but always wanted. She and her husband were best friends and eventually became lovers after sharing a mutual loss.

They were happily married, with two kids together, plus my little sister Maleah, whom they took in a few years ago. Yaya, Malea, and I weren’t raised in a loving home with a mother and father. Our mother, Meesha, was the life of the party and loved spending time in the streets with her raggedy-ass friends. Our older sister, Brenesha, was right there beside her, which left Miyana to look after us.

When Miyana moved out, our relationship became strained, and we eventually lost touch. Part of me carried a lot of resentment toward her because I felt she abandoned me. When she left, our lives got even harder, and Meesha started relying on me to provide for the household while she ran the streets, chasing men with bad intentions.

Eventually, her choices began to have a negative effect on us when she moved one of her so-called boyfriends into the house. We instantly bumped heads, so I made a point of staying out of the house as much as possible. It never dawned on me that by doing so I had left my little sister exposed to danger.

One night I came home and walked in on Meesha’s boyfriend touching Malea. I lost my damn mind and pistol-whipped his ass until he passed out. I wanted to kill his ass, but I knew it meant I would be leaving Malea to fend for herself. Meesha never protected us, and I wasn’t about to leave my little sister unprotected.

Being around Messiah’s family was like night and day because they were the complete opposite of everything I grew up thinking family was. The Grahams were tight-knit, and I don’t mean that fake shit people do for views. They were truly close to one another. At any given time of the day, Messiah would be on the phone with one or more of his siblings or cousins. They constantly encouraged each other and showed up for one another.

When I met his mother, Mama Elantra pulled me into a hug as if I were one of her children. It felt so foreign because I couldn’t name a time when Meesha hugged us or declared her love for us. She thought putting us in designer clothes was evidence of her being a good mother, but then she would turn around and sell her food stamps, leaving us to survive off of noodles and lunch meat sandwiches.

I often referred to the Grahams as the Huxtables, but Messiah always insisted they weren’t perfect. While I understood what he meant, they were damn near close to me. Their love was genuine and overwhelming at times. When I first started to come around, I assumed their affection would eventually wear off, but it only grew stronger. Mama Elantra sent me prayers and encouraging messages daily, checked on me every week, and told me how proud she was of me.

Messiah was my sister’s husband, but he treated me like his brother. There were some times when he would pull up on me when I went too long without visiting. He would randomly show up with groceries or stop by just to talk shit and play the game with me. Most people would jump at the chance to have people like that around them, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult for me to accept.