Page 79 of Give Me Honesty

“You can believe whatever you want, it won’t change shit. Look at your nasty ass momma over there about to pass out. She’s real quiet now.” I laughed maniacally.

I could feel myself losing control, but the truth needed to come out. For years, I held in all of the pain and trauma I experienced as a young boy because I didn’t want people to have pity on me or to judge me. I tried my best to block some of the memories, but I would never forget their impact on me. She was the reason I struggled to connect to women outside of fuckin’ because I couldn’t trust them.

“Momma, is this true?” Draike questioned with a mixture of hurt and anger in his tone. Bre stood like a deer caught in headlights.

“Damn, Bre, that’s fucked up. I always knew you must have done some foul shit to him, but you couldn’t have paid me to believe you were a monster.”

D-Lo’s tone was full of disgust, and for some reason it seemed to get her attention.

“D-Lo, you can go to hell. You want to stand here and judge me, when you know better than anyone the kind of hell I went through. My own momma used to pimp me out to niggas in the neighborhood to keep the lights on and food on the table. I’m the reason that little nigga had all those nice ass clothes and shoes! Me! I sacrificed my whole life and my body for all of you ungrateful mothafuckas and now you all want to turn on me!” Her voice cracked, but she would never get any sympathy from me.

“Aye, everybody needs to get out. I’m sorry y’all. I appreciate everyone for coming.” D-Lo announced.

Many of his guests had started packing up plates and heading out when Brenesha first showed up. They must have sensed she was gonna come with some bullshit. D-Lo asked me to stick around, but I was ready to go. The onset of a panic attack was on the horizon, and I didn’t want to be around anyone when it happened.

I lightly tugged on Honesty’s arm to let her know I was ready to go. I turned to leave, but once again, Brenesha couldn’t leave well enough alone.

“You and Yaya got around those rich folks and now you want to act brand new. Regardless of what happened in the past, we’re still family and it’s fucked up that you said fuck your own family to rub elbows with those fake as people. Now all of a sudden, you want to bring up old shit like I was young and helping with kids I didn’t make.”

“Are you serious right now? How can you stand here and try to act like what you did was okay? He’s your brother, you weirdo ass bitch. Yeah, let's get out of here because this hoe has lost her mind. You know my ass can’t fight, but I’ll windmill the fuck out of this silly bitch.” Honesty huffed. If I wasn’t so upset, I would have laughed.

“Bitch, ain’t nobody worried about your fake ass. Solomon is from the jects, and it doesn’t matter how much time he spends with you rich mothafuckas, he’s still a hood baby, and you’ll never fit into his world.”

“You sound like a jealous ex instead of sister and that disturbs me. Maybe you need to worry less about him and more about getting the help you need. You’re sick in the head and if I were your children, I would be concerned about you being around their future children. Once a pedophile; always a pedophile. Nasty bitch.” Honesty spat.

Lil’ mama had some fire in her, but I didn’t want her to get into something she wasn’t ready for.

“Bitch!” Brenesha screamed as she attempted to rush Honesty, but I mushed her before she had the chance. She dramatically dropped to the ground. I tried to step around her, but she grabbed my leg.

“Get off me, bitch!” My reflexes took over, and I lifted my foot and kicked her. Before I could process what was going on, my cousin, Desire, jumped on me and proceeded to hit me all over my back and face. I didn’t want to put my hands on her because she was a young girl, but she had my fucked.

“Get off of him!”

I heard Honesty yell, and it seemed like everything happened in slow motion. Honesty pulled Desire by her braids and slung her to the ground. I reached down to grab Honesty, but she slipped from my grasp. Brenesha tried to sneak Honesty, but I wasn’t going for none of that. I lifted her from the ground and tossed her away from my girl. Unfortunately, my distraction gave Desire time to punch Honesty in the mouth.

The moment I saw the blood leak from my woman’s mouth, I wanted to pull out my pieces and air the whole party out. I picked up Honesty and got the hell out of there. D-Lo yelled after me, but I was in no position to talk to anyone. I was still trying to process that Honesty now knew a secret I never meant to share.

TWENTY

honesty graham

The ride home was quiet, and I wasn’t sure how to gauge the situation. A part of me worried Solomon might have been upset because I got into a fight with his family, but I wasn’t sure. Solomon wasn’t easy to read, and it drove me crazy at times. He would go quiet and leave me second-guessing and questioning myself.

When we got to his place, he parked in his designated spot and got out without saying a word. I bit my bottom lip to keep my emotions at bay. I was sensitive by nature, but I had to remind myself this wasn’t about me. After the explosive revelation at the party, I couldn't even imagine how he may have been feeling inside.

I took my shoes off at the door and then walked into the living room, where I set my purse down. Solomon headed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass. When I saw him retrieve a bottle of Tequila from the counter, I didn’t bother to say anything. After the night he had, a drink was more than necessary. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him, but this calm demeanor wasn’t it.

After ten minutes had passed, Solomon headed out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. I waited a few minutes before I decided to follow him. There was this uneasy feeling that lingered in the air, and I couldn’t figure out what to do.

My hand twisted the doorknob, and I breathed a sigh of relief when it opened up. I heard the shower water running, and I questioned if I should join him or not. It didn’t take long for me to make a decision as I peeled off my clothes and sauntered into the bathroom. Soft jazz played through the Bluetooth speaker perched on the counter. I wasn’t as versatile when it came to music genres, but Solomon had introduced me to a lot of music and artists I would have never tried on my own.

The glass door of the shower was fogged, so I could only see the silhouette of his body. Even his silhouette was a masterpiece. A few more seconds passed before I finally got the nerve to slide the door back. Solomon stood directly under the showerhead, with his locs in a bun as the water ran down his chest. He never turned or acknowledged that I had joined him, but I tried not to think too much into it.

I grabbed the fresh washcloth draped over the top of the door and reached in front of him to grab the soap. With no words exchanged, I lathered the towel and washed his neck and back. Solomon flinched for a moment, and I paused as well. His back was covered with various tattoos, and it made me sad to think about the story behind them.

Solomon fell in love with tattoos because they helped him cover up the trauma he endured. From far away, it looked like a mass of creative art, but if you got close enough, you could see the evidence of pain and suffering.

The first time I saw them was when he moved to my brother’s house. I barged into his room without knocking and was met with a sight that left me heartbroken.