Page 13 of Give Me Honesty

My stomach dropped as I stood up. My friends cheered louder than everyone around us, making my cheeks flush red. They were my biggest cheerleaders, and I appreciated their support.

The MC held out his hand for me to grab, then handed me the microphone. My palms were slick with sweat, but I tried my best to ignore my nerves. They already had my music, and I prayed everything went smoothly.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You all look beautiful tonight, and I’m grateful to be here with you all. This is new for me, but I told myself I would start showing more of myself and my gifts when the opportunity presents itself. As DJ Neff mentioned, this original piece is called Need You To Love Me. I hope you enjoy.”

I set the mic on the stand and adjusted it to fit my height. I took a deep breath as I nodded for them to start the music. In my mind, I pictured myself back in the studio with my brother, brainstorming together. I remembered the feeling inside of me as I poured my emotions out onto the notebook paper. The song is about a young woman scarred by her past, but she still believes in love because a man in her life shows her how a woman should be treated. The only problem is he doesn’t see how much she loves him as more than a friend.

It was a personal song, but no one knew just how personal, except me. I belted out the lyrics as if I was singing to a real person. The melody held me in a chokehold as I allowed myself to let go for once in my life. My eyes were closed because I didn’t want to look out into the crowd and freak myself out. It wasn’t until the third round of the chorus that my eyes shot open when I realized I wasn’t the only one singing.

As I looked out at the crowd, I saw a sea of people standing, swaying, and some even singing the chorus with me. A multitude of emotions washed over me as I sang another round of the chorus before ending the song. The standing ovation caught me off guard; I wasn’t sure what the crowd would do.

“Thank you so much for listening.” I bowed my head, then turned to exit the stage.

The crowd's roar brought tears to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I had been holding so much; I was certain my cries would potentially turn into deep sobs in front of a room full of strangers with their phones out. Instead, I smiled and waved as I took my seat.

“Bestie! I knew you could sing, but that was incredible. You really need to stop playing and make an album or something. There’s no way you’re holding all that talent in there and keeping it hidden,” Kyra shouted as she wrapped her arm around my neck.

“Ky is right. I always hear you singing around the apartment, but what you did up there doesn’t even compare. I felt like I was front row at a concert. You have a gift, baby girl,” Tommie gassed me up.

“Damn, girl. You’ve got my heart racing right now. You did such a great job. I’m proud of you.” Rahel added.

Having my friends there made the experience even better. I was still coming down from the high of performing, so it took a moment before I was ready to engage in a full conversation.

We enjoyed the rest of the night, laughing and drinking until we couldn't stop giggling. We were too drunk to drive, so Tommie’s brother came and drove her car while his friend trailed behind us. Rondell had been blowing up my phone like crazy, but I didn’t want to talk to him. I planned to tell him where I was, but I fell asleep in the car. Luck wasn’t on my side when I saw him sitting on the hood of his car.

I sobered up fast when my eyes landed on the angry scowl on his face. To make matters worse, Tommie forced me to sit in the front with her brother, so she could lie in the backseat because her stomach was fucked up. I saw the fire dancing in Rondell’s eyes as we parked next to him.

“Tomisha, do you need me to carry you upstairs, or are you okay to walk?” Her brother asked. The two of them could pass as twins with their peanut butter skin, deep brown eyes, and modelesque features. She told us her brother used to model, and I believed her. His chiseled jawline and perfectly lined beard reminded me of someone I saw in a fashion magazine.

Instead of replying, Tommie hurriedly opened the door and projectile vomited onto the parking lot.

“Aww, shit!” Her brother, TJ, jumped out of the car and stood by the door until she finished. I tried to prolong getting out of the car, but Rondell grew tired of waiting. He snatched the door open and gave me a knowing look before turning to see if Tommie or her brother were watching.

TJ’s friend parked a few spots down from us, and I saw both Rahel and Kyra exit the car, still giggling as they staggered down the parking lot. Everyone else gathered together, but Rondell gripped my arm, letting me know I couldn’t go over there with them.

“I’ll hit y’all up in the group chat tomorrow. I’m gonna head upstairs and take a shower.” I told them with my signature fake smile.

“Yeah, yeah. We know your man is here, so you’re about to go fuck. You don’t have to be slick, boo,” Kyra teased.

If only she knew the truth. There would most likely be no lovemaking happening once we got inside.

“Girl, please. It’s not even like that.” I giggled to cover up the fear in my heart as his grip tightened.

“She’ll catch up with y’all later.” Rondell co-signed, practically dragging me towards my apartment. I yelled back that I loved them and would talk to them later as they waved.

I fumbled with my key, trying to open the door. Rondell’s patience grew thin as he snatched the keys from me and opened the door himself. He was mumbling something under his breath as we walked inside.

“Hurry your ass up. It seems like you’re trying to stall because you have something to hide. Let me find out that you lied to me, so you can sneak out with another dude.” Rondell grumbled.

I would never understand why he was so insecure when I spent most of my time with him whenever he wasn’t at practice. He demanded my location at all times, but it still wasn’t enough for him. I had never cheated on him or even given him a reason to believe I would do anything to hurt him, but it wasn’t good enough. He would still search my room, my body, and my phone for any signs of betrayal. Even though he never found anything, it didn't stop the baseless accusations and heated arguments.

As I stepped into my room, I paused to gather my thoughts. Being under the influence made it more difficult to focus than normal, and I knew it would only upset him more.

Rondell slammed the door behind us and instantly began to interrogate me.

“You must think I’m a silly mothafucka you can play with, huh?”

I wanted to tell him to kiss my ass, but instead, I tried to talk rationally.