Page 39 of When Sparks Fly

Oh God.

‘Don’t you think that’s a bit out of line, pal?’ Si asks.

‘I’m sorry, I’m being disrespectful. I should have asked you first,’ the waiter replies.

‘You should have asked me first?’ Si echoes.

‘Yeah, I’m sorry, I should have asked if you’d mind me asking your daughter out,’ the waiter babbles.

Si and I look at each other for a second but it feels like an eternity. An eternity of awkwardness. Who knew cringes could be physically painful?

‘She’s not my daughter,’ Si tells him calmly. ‘She’s my girlfriend.’

The waiter shuffles off, absolutely mortified, but rather than think about what I could have done to prevent that, the word ‘girlfriend’ is echoing around in my head.

‘Girlfriend?’ I repeat back to him when we’re alone.

‘Don’t panic, I know you’re not my girlfriend, I just wanted him to feel as embarrassed as I did,’ Si says with a laugh. ‘Not that I’m against the idea.’

I feel a pang of guilt. Si seems like a genuinely nice guy, and I don’t want to hurt him. I take a deep breath, knowing I need to dial things back.

‘Si, I really appreciate you giving me a place to stay. It’s been a lifesaver,’ I begin, choosing my words carefully. ‘But as far as anything more goes, I’m just not ready to get into a relationship with anyone.’

Si’s brow furrows slightly, but he nods.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to seem so intense,’ he replies.

‘That’s okay. But I just got out of a relationship that went bad,’ I explain, ‘so I’m not really looking for anything serious right now. I’m only looking for friendship.’

I can’t say it any clearer than that, can I? But I need to be clear, even if I feel bad, because having somewhere stable to live matters. Dating – especially so soon after moving back here – feels like a risk. I don’t want to risk my friendship with Si, especially not now we’re housemates.

He reaches across the table, placing his hand over mine.

‘That’s okay. We’re mates, and I’m your landlord. I would never cross a line,’ he reassures me. ‘You don’t have to explain yourself.’

I feel a wave of relief wash over me. Si is so understanding, and I know I’ve made the right decision.

‘Thanks, Si. I appreciate that,’ I tell him.

As we wait for our pasta, the conversation flows easily. But deep down, I can’t shake the feeling that if it were Adam sitting across from me, my attitude might be different…

18

I’m not sleeping well.

It’s not my new king-sized bed, in my newly decorated room – that’s great. I think it’s just, oh, everything that is on my mind.

I feel like my life has imploded. I don’t have my own home, a job, a partner – I’ve been basically run out of London. It’s hard to accept that I’m pretty much going to have to start from scratch.

Wow, is it only 7 a.m.? That’s the kind of time when it’s hard to decide whether to try and get back to sleep or get up. It feels too late for one and too early for the other.

I guess I’ll get up.

I leave my room – sneaking, for some reason – and walk across the landing, noticing Adam’s bedroom door is open. Is it weird that I can’t resist peeping inside? No, no, I shouldn’t do that. That’s definitely weird.

I carry on down the stairs, and when I’m finally at the bottom I walk with a bit more confidence, but as I step into the kitchen I crash straight into something – Adam.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ I babble, but as I compose myself I realise that Adam is wearing nothing but a fitted pair of boxer shorts and… wow. I knew he was muscular, but I wasn’t expecting him to look quite so much like an underwear model. I force my gaze upward and try to maintain eye contact, but it’s not easy.