Page 60 of The Keeper

A flash of surprise, followed by a strange loosening in my chest. I shouldn’t reveal so much to her, but I liked that I didn’t have to explain myself. She just got it. She got me, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed that until now. “Yeah.”

“No one can take your place, Wilson. You’re you—for better or for worse.”

I huffed in amusement. “Thanks a lot.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence. I should hang up and return to dinner, but I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye yet. Our moments of tension aside, she’d been a grounding force this past week. Without her, I would’ve spiraled even more than I already had.

“What are you doing right now?” I asked. “It’s your night off. I imagine you have more interesting plans beyond staging fake emergencies.”

“I mean, the idea of being fake jailed was really exciting. But I’m doing a nineties-themed pub trivia night with the girls. I snuck off to the bathroom to make this call, so I hope they know their Backstreet Boys from their *NSYNC. Winners get these tacky T-shirts with floating boy band heads plastered all over them, and I really want one. I’m going to be pissed if we lose.”

My mouth tipped up at the mental image. “Boy band T-shirts are great motivation.”

“Exactly.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Next time, you should join us. I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it.”

“Pub trivia? Not really my thing.”

“Nothing’s your thing unless you make it your thing.”

“Is that part of your personal challenge plan?”

“Actually, it is. Trying to find my passion, remember?”

I made a noise of acknowledgment, but her reminder instantly transported me back to Monday, when I first found out about her list.

My name, written in her neat, loopy handwriting.

A reminder of our cursed kiss and the chaos it’d spawned.

Then the Love & Relationships challenge further down, detailing her desire to take the initiative and ask a guy out first.

It was a reasonable goal. Not so reasonable was the sharp, blistering jealousy that’d swept through me when I pictured her doing exactly that. It’d taken every ounce of willpower to put the paper down and act like it hadn’t affected me. Later, it’d taken even more strength of will to walk away from her in the middle of our styling lesson. Nothing happened, but if I’d stayed, I couldn’t guarantee that nothing would.

That was the crux of my problem with Carina. I cared too much to leave, but I also cared too much to stay.

“I should go. Food’s getting cold,” I said. “But thank you again for the call. It was…very thoughtful.”

“You’re welcome.”

Neither of us hung up.

My fingers tightened instinctively around my phone. I could hear Carina’s soft breaths on the other end, and the physical distance between us shrank into the infinitesimal space between my heartbeats.

I pictured her standing in some pub restroom, her phone tucked between her chin and shoulder. Wearing a vintage tee and jeans, or maybe a casual dress, her hair loose and tousled around her shoulders. She smelled like citrus and warmth and whatever tropical drink she’d ordered. And for the briefest of moments, I wanted so desperately to be there with her, to see and touch her, that I nearly staggered from the force of it.

I sucked in a sharp inhale and abruptly ended the call before I said anything else I’d regret. I returned to the table, my skin buzzing. It was like someone had strung an electric wire through my veins and cranked the voltage too high.

“Emergency call?” Oswald asked when I retook my seat. “You were gone for quite a while.”

“Yes.” I didn’t elaborate. I hadn’t come here to be judged by him.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t comment further. Elizabeth and Evie were busy poring over something on Elizabeth’s phone and didn’t notice our exchange.

The rest of dinner went smoothly enough. I couldn’t relax, my mind too consumed by thoughts of Carina and the reckless longing she stirred up, but I made it through dessert without letting any of it show.

“That was lovely,” Elizabeth said while we were leaving. “Thank you for dinner. Meeting Evie was…” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. “It was everything we’d hoped for. She’s a wonderful child.”

“That she is.”