Page 122 of The Keeper

My breath caught. “About?”

“Everything.” He pushed his hands into his pockets again, his shoulders tense. “About me shutting you out. About me trying to shoulder the weight of the world when I’m not the only person who’s affected by it. I told myself I was protecting you, but deep down, I was also protecting myself. I’ve been alone for so long that when things fell apart, I defaulted to the one thing I knew how to do. I shut you out and pushed you away, telling myself it was for your own good, but I…” He faltered, his composure slipping. “I hurt you instead, and for that I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice finally cracked on the last word.

I stood rooted to the spot, my limbs frozen. I should say something, anything, but any semblance of words was trapped beneath the searing visceral pain spreading through my chest.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think the past few days,” Noah said. “Also a lot of time trying to fix my mistakes. I told Evie about the custody suit—not everything, but enough for her to understand what’s happening.” When my eyes widened, he offered a grim smile. “It didn’t feel right to keep it from her any longer, considering the outcome would affect her life more than anyone else’s.”

“How did she take it?” I finally found my voice.

“She was upset, but it could’ve been worse. She was much happier when talking about us.” Noah’s smile dimmed, and his throat flexed with another swallow. “If there’s still an us.”

The tentative hope behind his words wrapped around my heart and squeezed. I blinked back the sudden sting in my eyes, my chest unbearably tight.

I wanted to tell him how much I’d missed him, that of course there was still an us, and I would always choose him no matter what the world threw at us. But I couldn’t shake my hurt from the other night, and while he might not have meant them, his words had cut deep. So had his silence since then.

“If I hadn’t shown up today, would you have reached out to me?” I asked, my voice trembling despite my best efforts. “Or would you have just let us fade away?”

“Carina.” Noah went still, so still I almost couldn’t see him breathe. His eyes burned into mine with raw disbelief. “If it were up to me, I would’ve chased after you the second you left.”

Something hot and fierce closed my lungs. A visceral feeling I couldn’t name. “It was up to you. It’s been five days, and…” I broke off. I hated how vulnerable I sounded, like I’d been sitting around counting the days we’d been apart. But that was exactly what’d happened, and I was too emotionally drained to pretend otherwise.

“It stopped being about me the moment you asked for space. These past few weeks have already been all about me and my problems, and I…fuck. I’m not—I can’t—I’m not explaining this right.” He rubbed a hand over his face, his expression tortured. When he looked at me again, his eyes were rimmed with red. “I was the one who hurt you, Carina. I wasn't going to ignore the one thing you asked of me even though every instinct screamed at me to come after you. To get you back. I wrote a dozen texts I never sent. I deleted every voicemail I almost left. I drove to Scarlett’s house more than once to see you before I forced myself to turn around because I didn’t want to make this about what I needed.” His voice dropped, rough and ragged with emotion. “But do you think I haven’t missed you? That I haven’t lain awake every night, wishing you were here? It’s been fucking hell, and this house…it hasn’t been the same without you. I haven’t been the same without you.”

My vision blurred. I looked away, unable to stop the tears from sliding down my face. I didn’t hear him move, but the next thing I knew, Noah was in front of me, his palm cradling my cheek, his thumb sweeping across my skin until my tears slowed.

“But maybe missing me isn’t enough,” I whispered.

He froze, his breaths harsh in the space between us. I watched the ragged rise and fall of his chest as he absorbed my words, as the pain bled into his voice. “Carina⁠—”

“What happens the next time everything falls apart? What happens when the press gets worse, or Evie gets hurt, or you’re scared, or you decide you have to be the one to carry everything again?” I fought the fresh sob rising in my throat. “Are you going to push me away again? Because I can’t live that way, Noah. I can’t keep fighting for a place in your life every time things go wrong.”

“You won’t have to. I swear.” His voice broke on the promise. The words came out rough and desperate, like he needed me to believe them as much as he needed to say them.

I wanted to believe him. I knew he was under a lot of stress and that was pushing him to lash out in different ways. I knew he cared about me and that I cared about him too, but that was the problem. I was afraid that if we fell apart again, I would fracture beyond repair. I’d put myself back together after countless relationships, but this was Noah. He was the only person in the world with the power to devastate me.

“I can’t promise I’ll never be scared again, or that my first instinct won’t be to shut down. That’s who I’ve been for a long time. But I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to run; I want to stay, right here with you.” His thumb brushed over my skin again, the gesture tentative, like he was scared I might pull away. “There’s nothing I can say that can undo the hurt I’ve caused, but if you give me another chance, I’ll prove that I’ll always choose you. Every fucking day. Every fucking year. For as long as you’ll have me.”

My sob finally tore loose. Noah touched his forehead to mine, his breaths shaky, and I realized the tears scalding my cheeks didn’t belong only to me.

“Please,” he whispered.

I shuddered. I was slowly unraveling, my heart aching for him even as a whisper of doubt lingered, and when he gently grasped my chin, tilting it up so I met his eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to look away.

“I told you the other night that this is still our trial period, but that’s not true,” he said. “Not for me. I already know what I want, and it’s to be with you. That’s it. Match over. No extra time needed.”

I managed a watery laugh. “Are you really using a football metaphor right now?”

He smiled faintly, his shoulders rolling in a small shrug. “It’s what I know.”

With that, my last defenses crumbled, taking my doubt with them. This was the Noah I fell for. Warm and dry-humored, his heart shining through despite the walls he built around himself. Beneath the fear and stubbornness, he was always there. And he was right—nothing he said could rewrite the past, but I didn’t want a different past. I wanted a shared future.

I could’ve fought harder, could’ve held on to my pride and made him work for it longer, but that wasn’t what I needed. I was done running. We’d already wasted time being apart, and I was tired of pretending I didn’t want the exact same thing he did.

She was much happier when talking about us…If there’s still an us.

“I missed you too,” I whispered. An answer to a different question that he hadn’t asked, but the sentiment was the same.

Noah’s hand stilled against my face. He searched my face for a moment, as if he wanted to make sure he’d heard right, and when I didn’t pull away, his shoulders sagged with relief before he drew me into his chest and kissed me. Soft and lingering, then hard and desperate, like he was making up for every second we’d been apart.