Page 117 of The Keeper

“Yes.” Her voice was barely audible. She didn’t look like she quite believed me.

After a few more reassurances and a promise to call her again tomorrow, I hung up. I sat on the edge of my bed and buried my face in my hands, trying to breathe through the tightness seizing my lungs.

Our conversation had been necessary, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It was worse because I couldn’t tell her in person and comfort her afterward. I had to rely on my parents to pick up the slack, and I loathed myself for it.

And Evie’s excitement over my relationship with Carina…That destroyed me in a way I hadn’t been prepared for. No matter what happened, Carina had already become an integral part of our lives. She was the anchor, the sunshine, the missing piece I never knew we needed. I’d never laughed as much as when I was with her, and I’d never seen Evie open up to someone as much as she had Carina. She was everything beautiful and pure, and I’d taken her presence for granted since we returned from South Africa.

I’m right here, Noah!

This is supposed to be a partnership. Act like it.

No, this is a trial period.

It’ll be good for us to get some space.

Self-loathing crowded my lungs. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d hated myself more.

I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering over Carina’s name. I was desperate to hear her voice. To see her, to touch her, to fall to my knees and beg her to come back. But she’d asked for space, and I’d been selfish enough this past month. I couldn’t ignore what she’d asked of me.

“I miss you,” I said as though she could hear me. “I don’t know what else to say. But I miss you so fucking much, little bird. And I’m sorry. Please don’t give up on us yet.” My chest felt like it was caving in around the words. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. How I would even survive.”

She didn’t answer, of course. Because she wasn’t there, and I wasn’t really talking to her. The silence stretched on, heavy and suffocating, until the sound of the doorbell shattered it.

My head jerked up. For a brief, shining moment, I thought it was Carina, and that she’d come home. But then I remembered she had a key, so she wouldn’t need to ring the bell. I also remembered that I’d forgotten to lock the gate when I came home earlier. Shit.

I’d been a mess since Carina left, and I’d made mistakes that I never would’ve made had I been in a better state of mind.

I thundered downstairs. The paps were no longer camped out around my house, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t pop up spontaneously. If that was one of them on my front step, I was going to lose it. Today was not the day to test me.

I opened the door, prepared to give the paparazzo a piece of my mind. But instead of a nosy reporter pointing a camera at my face, I found the entire Blackcastle club crowded on my doorstep. Adil, Asher, Vincent, Samson, Gallagher, Stevens, and every other player on the team…they were all there.

I blinked, my preemptive anger dissolving into shock.

“Hey, mate.” Asher held up a bottle of whiskey. “Fancy a drink?”

CHAPTER 48

NOAH

After three days of guy time, I still hadn’t processed the absurdity of the entire team showing up at my house to check in on me. It was Ted Lasso-level wholesomeness, and I wasn’t sure whether I was grateful, uncomfortable, or simply puzzled.

“I still can’t believe you guys canceled your vacations for this.” I glanced at Asher and Gallagher, who were seated closest to me in my game room. Everyone had been coming over every day to hang out, though they left to sleep in their own beds at night. Thank God. I appreciated their company, but I didn’t have the room or patience for a full-team sleepover. “Aren’t you two supposed to be celebrating a World Cup win?”

“Oh, trust me. We did.” Gallagher chortled, his face pink after three beers. “Johannesburg will never be the same.”

“I also want to push back on the narrative that we canceled our vacations for you,” Samson added, leaning against the bar. “We postponed them. I’m going to Spain next week, and I’m going to have the time of my fucking life. But we figured you needed a little moral support after those raggedy-ass tabloids went after you and Cece.”

I flinched at the reminder of her and hoped no one noticed. I was beyond caring about his stupid nickname for Carina or their previous flirtation. None of that mattered when I was the one who hadn’t trusted what we had and fucked it up so badly that she’d left. She’d left, and I’d been walking around with a gaping wound in my chest since.

I filled the emptiness with another sip of whiskey.

The guys had asked about her, and I’d given them my stale excuse about us lying low as a couple until the storm fully passed. Most of them bought it, though Asher and Vincent knew I was full of shit. She was best friends with their partners, after all.

But no one knew about the countless texts I’d typed and deleted, or the dozen voicemails I’d almost left.

I’m sorry.

Please come back.