Page 77 of Fear Me Not

42

ASPEN

I meet Dov in the drawing room, as is our evening routine. He already has our current read on the occasional table beside the chair, and the fire is crackling in the grate. He smiles as soon as he sees me, the expression lighting up his handsome face.

A part of me isn’t looking forward to when the days grow lighter. Even though certain things about Windridge Hall terrify me during the darkness, having Dov no longer hiding in his room, or skulking about the corridors is definitely a bonus.

We’ve been working our way through any and all of the gothic literature on the bookshelves and are currently reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Of course, I already know the basis of the story from the multiple movies that have been made about it, but hearing it read in Dov’s deep voice, in this big old building, next to a crackling fire, gives it a whole different vibe.

I love these one-on-one moments with him, but there’s something I’m missing.

“Why don’t you visit me at night anymore, Dov?” I ask him, curious.

I know I’d told him that he wasn’t allowed to put anything in my water anymore, but he seems to have taken it as him not being allowed in my room at all. I’ve started to get brave enough to sleep alone on occasion now. I haven’t seen anything else to terrify me, so perhaps just learning a little about the history of Windridge Hall has been enough to put its ghosts to rest.

“It’s different now.”

I cock an eyebrow. “Because I’m conscious, you mean?”

He presses his lips together, nostrils flaring, brow drawn down as he considers his reasoning. “It felt safe for me to touch you when you weren’t able to respond to it. I know that makes me a freak, but it turned me on. Having you lying there, letting me do whatever I wanted to you. You were so open to me. It’s hard to explain…”

“I miss you coming to me at night. I miss you touching me like that.”

“I never had sex with you then. You know that, don’t you?”

He stares into my eyes, his gaze intense, serious. It seems important that I understand him.

“I know, Dov.”

“Yes, I might have touched your skin and looked at your body, but I never had sex with you. I wouldn’t have risked that. You being helpless, and me not being completely in control of myself. I would have risked hurting you, and I would never have done that.”

“I understand.” I squeeze his hand and think of something. “What about if I pretended? If I closed my eyes and lay very still, you could do whatever you want to me.” The idea gives me a little thrill, sending tingling between my thighs. I suddenly very much like the thought of lying in bed, helpless, while Dov does whatever he wants to my body.

He shakes his head. “I appreciate the offer, but it’s not the same.”

I think again, twisting my lips. “What if I took just a little of what you were giving me, so I’m conscious enough to know what’s happening, but I can’t move?” Am I actually suggesting this? I must have lost my mind.

He considers this. “So, you’ll be able to feel pleasure, but you won’t be able to respond?”

I shift in his lap. “You’d like that?”

His eyes grow dark with lust. “Very much.”

“I’d be vulnerable. How would I know I’d be safe?”

It’s not only Dov that I’m worried about. I’ve been experiencing strange things since the snow fell, frightening things. What if he drugged me and one of the moments I’ve been experiencing happened, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it?

“What about if we asked my brother to join us?” he suggests. “I’m sure he’d like that.”

I can’t help grinning. “I bet he would.”

Still, the idea of being helpless in this hotel scares me. But it also excites me. What will it feel like? Will it be like I’m dreaming and orgasming in my sleep?

“Okay, Dov. Let’s speak to Levi, and then we’ll do it.”

He catches my face between both of his large hands. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”