Page 68 of Fear Me Not

The pain grows worse now, with these thoughts. Will it ever get completely better? Will I ever be normal?

I hold her tighter, all the while knowing a better man would push her away.

My brother returns with a washcloth.

“I’ll take her now,” he says.

Reluctantly, I release her from my grip. She smiles at me, kisses my mouth, presses her nose and forehead to mine. I slip out of her, and she giggles at the rush of heat and wetness. She reaches for Levi, who picks her out of my lap, bridal-style, and carries her over to the bed.

This kind of tenderness isn’t something I’ve ever witnessed from my brother before. Being around her has changed him. It’s changed all of us.

She isn’t like the ones who’ve come before her, the women we’ve had here to fuck to chase away the loneliness and the long nights. They meant nothing to us. It was an agreement; that was all. But Aspen has become a part of us, and none of us wish for her to leave when the thaw comes, to run and never look back as each of those previous women did.

We want her to stay.

A fresh wave of agony spikes through my skull, and I hunch over, my palms clutching my head.

“Are you okay, Dov?” Aspen asks from the bed.

I nod, but even that movement makes me wince in pain.

“It’s his head,” Levi explains on my behalf.

“I’m sorry.” I gather my discarded clothing. “I need to go.”

“It’s okay, Dov,” she says. “Do whatever you need to.”

I pull on my clothes, hating that I can’t remain naked with her. But it’s as though she’s Levi’s now, in his bed, with him holding her. I just borrowed her for a brief moment.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could be someone different.”

I pull on my clothes, go to her, kiss her one last time. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me that. For being brave enough to be with me. For giving me a chance.”

She presses her palm to my cheek. “I’m not afraid of you, Dov.”

I turn and leave.

37

ASPEN

I wake to a sound.

Creaak…creak. Creaak…creak. Creaak…creak.

It’s rhythmical, repetitive, and I have no idea where it’s coming from. I freeze in bed, my heart already thumping. Am I alone in my room?

Dov had retreated to his own space, and, knowing Levi isn’t exactly the kind to want to cuddle all night, despite what he’d said about him wanting me to stay, I’d made my excuses and come back to my bedroom, too. I’d wanted some alone time to process what had happened.

Now I’m lying in my bed, face up so I’m staring at the ceiling, and I can’t move.

My first thought is of Dov. Did he sneak something into my drink again without my permission? I thought we’d gotten past that, but perhaps not. Except I can’t sense his presence here. My gaze darts to the corner by the window, the chair I used to find him in. It’s shrouded in darkness, but I can tell he isn’t there.

I let out a shaky breath, and it billows in a cloud above me.

The air is ice cold.

Prickles of panic crawl across my skin. This isn’t like normal. Something has changed.