Page 51 of Fear Me Not

I shake my head. “You don’t understand. Besides, like I said before, there’s nothing else out there for me. I want to be here. These mountains are a part of who I am now. I don’t want to leave them either.” I turn to her. “So what about you? Are you going to leave us the first moment you can?”

She closes her eyes and lets out a breath that comes from the very base of her lungs. When she opens them again, they’re filled with impossible sadness. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want to turn back the clock and change everything that happened. I wish I’d never invited Tobias here, or that I’d told him to leave the moment he arrived.”

“That’s Blake’s fault,” I growl. “He should never have allowed it.” My shoulders drop. “Maybe I could have done more, too.”

It must be haunting her—not just that Tobias ended up dead, but that assault she’d gone through. Because he did assault her. He might have stopped after she’d pushed him off the bed, but he could have tried again once she’d been asleep. Of course, he’d never gotten the chance because Dov had witnessed the whole thing over the cameras and had rushed through the hotel to take out his fury and make sure Tobias never touched her again, by which time Aspen had been passed out.

“We want you to stay,” I tell her. “All three of us. We want you to make your home here. We’d give you everything you could ever need and spend the rest of our lives making you happy.”

“How can I be happy when I can’t trust the people I’m with?”

“What if Blake wasn’t here? If it was just me and Dov. Would you stay then?” I can hardly believe I’ve said those words. What do I even mean by them? Would I throw him out? Tell him he’s been outvoted and he needs to sign Windridge Hall over to us?

“My feelings for Blake are… complicated.”

“You love him.” I say it abruptly, and her eyes shine with unshed tears.

She speaks in barely a whisper. “I wish I didn’t. I wish I hated him. It would be easier then.”

I take her gloved hand, squeezing it in mine. I didn’t mean to make her unhappy. I don’t want to ruin this moment.

“Come on, let’s go back. We don’t want to get back after dark.”

“Will you bring me again, Levi? I feel better getting some fresh air.”

I pull her in to me and kiss her, her lips and nose cold, her tongue warm. “Just say the word, Little Fox. I’ll take you any time you want.”

27

BLAKE

I’d watched from an upstairs window as Levi led Aspen away from the hotel. From the way they’re dressed, it’s clear he’s taking her hiking, and I have mixed feelings about that.

I shouldn’t be going through her belongings, but I need to get some insight into what’s going through her head. Is she still planning to leave us as soon as the snow has thawed? The possibility hurts more than I’d like to admit. Though it feels like she’s forgiven me on the physical side of things, I still sense her holding herself back. There’s a guardedness about her that wasn’t there before, and yes, it’s my fault it’s there at all, but it’s not like I can turn back the clock.

It puts me in an impossible position. Can I trust her to keep her mouth shut if the police track her down and question her about the missing boyfriend? I want to say yes. She cares about Dov now, and I don’t believe she’d intentionally want to get him in trouble. But the police would want to know where she’s been all this time, and if they don’t already know of Windridge Hall, they will by the end of the conversation.

The last thing we need is cops on our doorstep. If they start poking around, they’re bound to notice the number of cameras around this place and request footage. Of course, I had Dov delete any from when that little prick was here, but that still might raise suspicions with the police. Then there’s Dov’s background. He has a history of violent behavior. Not to mention the possibility of them discovering the car or where we hid his body. If they’re found, we’re all fucked.

But if I don’t let her go, then I’ll be the bad guy for sure. No more morally gray… no, my soul will be utterly black. I’ll be keeping a young woman prisoner here for possibly the rest of her life, and it breaks my fucking heart that I’m even having to consider it.

My emotions war within me.

I want her to be happy. I want to give her everything her heart desires. I don’t want her to decide to stay because she feels she has no choice. I want her to stay because she wants to. Because she can’t picture her life anywhere else, or with anyone else.

I stand in her bedroom and inhale the scent of her. If they made it into a fragrance, I’d douse myself in it just so I’d never have to go a moment without smelling her on my skin.

A while ago, Levi told me it was a bad idea, bringing a woman here who I was emotionally connected to. I’d dismissed his concerns, but now I see he was right. I guess my emotionally stunted son has some insight after all. Perhaps I don’t give him enough credit.

I go to her nightstand. The top is sparse. She came here with so few belongings, it’s sad. On anyone else’s nightstand, I might have expected to find a paperback half-read, but Aspen’s disability means she’ll be unlikely to ever want to read a book for pleasure. It will always be a struggle for her, no matter what manner of help is offered.

The few items catch my attention. The moisturizer that she must use before bed. The glass, which currently sits empty, as she can no longer risk drinking one that’s been left unattended. The stick doll Dov made her.

I unscrew the lid of moisturizer and squeeze a little onto the back of my hand and rub it in. Then I bring it to my nose and inhale. My dick twitches. Yes, that’s a little of her. I pick up her pillow and hug that to me. My fierce, brave, troubled Aspen. The young woman who has stolen my heart. I know my life will never be the same now I’ve welcomed her into it.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to find. It’s highly unlikely she’ll have ever kept a diary, because of her difficulty with words. Perhaps I hope to discover her cell phone lying around with the photographs she likes to take, as though scrolling through them might give me a glimpse into her mind.

She won’t be happy if she finds me here.