Page 50 of Fear Me Not

I love seeing her like this, carefree and fun. I love the darker side too, sexy and feisty. Fuck, I love every side of her.

I just love her.

The realization hits me like a fist. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life snatching moments like this. I can’t ever view a future without her in it. If she goes, there will be no point in anything.

She doesn’t love me, though. How could she? There’s nothing lovable about me. My own mother didn’t fucking love me. She couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.

She loves Blake, of that I’m sure. And her affection is growing for Dov.

There’s no point in telling her I’d burn down the world for her. My words don’t mean a thing. It’s my actions that matter.

She’s stopped throwing the snowballs. “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head briefly. “Nothing. Just thinking. Let’s keep going. I want to reach the ridge soon, or we won’t have enough time to make it back before dark.”

The days are short, the nights long. When the sun sets, the freezing temperatures really creep in. It wouldn’t be good to get stuck out here then. We’d most likely die without shelter.

She nods and fishes out her hat from where it has fallen into the hood of her jacket and yanks it back down over her head.

“Come on, then,” she says, setting off.

I’m impressed she’s kept her sense of direction.

We walk for another hour or so, the air mostly filled with the sound of our heavy breathing and the crunching of snow beneath our feet. We’re climbing higher, the altitude increasing and the air getting a little thinner. I check in with her regularly, making sure it’s not all too much. I’m still conscious of the hypothermia she suffered not so long ago.

She never once questions if I know where I’m going, and her faith in me feels like nothing else.

Finally, we break out through the trees and find ourselves on a ridge overlooking the mountains and valleys.

We stand, side by side, on the ridge, and gaze down over the beauty of the snow-covered mountains, the sky blue and pristine behind them.

“God,” she breathes. “It really is beautiful.”

I feel inordinately pleased, as though I’ve contributed to the view in some way and am responsible for it.

“I feel so much better getting away from Windridge Hall and out into the fresh air,” she says. “Even though the place is huge, it sometimes feels super claustrophobic.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

She pauses then asks, “Have you ever thought of leaving, Levi? Of having a different sort of life?”

“One where I have a nine-to-five job, you mean? Where I have to answer to a boss, or I’m a slave to making mortgage and car payments? I never want to get stuck in that rat race. It sounds like hell. I want to be free.”

“But you’re not free, are you? You’re trapped here, just like me.” She catches the ends of her hair, twisting it around her finger. “A cage is a cage, Levi. It’s just a different shape.” She pauses then says, “Would you ever consider helping me hike to the nearest town, Levi?”

I freeze. “Why would you ask me that?”

She shrugs. “I’m just curious.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” How can I say I’d burn down the world for her but then refuse her a chance at freedom? “I don’t think it could be done. We would die trying. Besides, there’s Dov to think about.”

“He’s a grown man, and he’s perfectly capable. He doesn’t need a carer.”

“He needs protecting, someone to watch out for him.”

She wasn’t there when everything got bad with Dov. Not only the accident and how he changed, but what happened after. We can’t go back to that time. It was terrifying—I’d genuinely believed I was going to lose my brother, that he’d end up spending the rest of his life behind bars. She talks about cages, but he’d almost ended up in a very real one.

“He’s got Blake for that,” she says.