Page 20 of Fear Me Not

I keep going, taking the stairs as fast as I can. I wonder if he’s going to come after me, but all I can hear is his laughter chasing me.

I’d been a fool to think we’d reached an understanding, that we could co-exist here, taking pleasure in each other’s bodies.

My head is such a mess, and he’s only screwing with it further. I’m not overreacting to this. I’m not. A man is dead. Yes, maybe he did sexually assault me, but still…

That doesn’t mean he deserved to die.

And yes, maybe Blake was trying to protect Dov, but he still hadn’t needed to make out like I’d been the one responsible for Tobias’s death. He’d done it to make me weaker, more vulnerable, so they were all able to control me.

I’m done with being controlled.

12

LEVI

I find my father standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee from a mug and staring out onto our snow-covered world.

“Happy now?” I throw at him. “She hates us.”

“No, she doesn’t. She just thinks she does. Her anger will fade, and she’ll discover she needs us as much as we need her.”

“Yeah, the joys of Windridge Hall in the winter.” I kick out at a chair leg for no reason other than to vent my frustration. “I fucking hate this place at this time of year.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Stop telling everyone else how to feel. You might think you’re some kind of fucking lord of the manor, ruling over us here, but you don’t get to control our emotions.”

“Maybe not, but I just want to see you happy. All of you. And if you can’t manage happy, at least content. You, Dov, and Aspen, too.”

“You’ve got a weird way of showing it.”

“Apparently so.”

I want to get out of here, go for a hike or do some ice fishing, but the snow is still coming down, the sky heavy and gray, and even though I probably know these mountains better than Blake himself, I’m not stupid enough to head out in it. I’m pissed off, but I’m not suicidal.

At least she knows everything now, or most of everything. And like my father says, she’s stuck here now, with us. Her anger will fade, and then she’ll want us again. I already miss the feel of her supple body against mine, the push-pull we have together. I miss being around her, having her smile at me. She makes me feel like a better man, and though that was never my intention, I discover I like that, too.

Dov wasn’t the one who scared her away, and I’m proud of her for that. Plenty of women would have run screaming when they found out about him, but she seemed to create her own individual connection with him, the same way she did with me and Blake.

For someone who struggles to connect with people, I wonder if she’s just masking. Is she molding herself into being the person that each of us needs, or is it real? Does she even realize she’s doing it?

By the end of the winter, all masks will have come off, and we’ll know for sure.

“Do you want some food?” my father offers. “Aspen already ate.”

“That’s good. She’ll need her strength.”

“We have plenty,” he hesitates, “for the moment.”

Supplies always get a little thinner on the ground, the deeper we head into winter. Once the snow stops, I’ll be able to hunt and fish, but supplies like our fresh eggs will run out eventually and we’ll have to move on to dried.

“I’ll make us something,” Blake says.

A huge form fills the doorway.

Dov.

I’m surprised to see him. It’s not like him to come into the communal areas, especially not in the daytime. The lack of sunlight because of the storm must be helping. Normally, he hides away from it, as it sets off his headaches, and he prefers to watch the events of the hotel from behind the safety of his screens. It’s even worse for him after the snow has settled and the sun comes out. It glares off the whiteness of the world and becomes a torture method.