Page 86 of Beautiful Monster

His hands squeeze the flesh of my thighs as I deepen the kiss. I don’t let it go any further, but I love the idea that I can have him whenever I want.

When he pulls away and walks back to the couch, I set down the brush and text my sister back. We’ll be there. What can we bring?

I smile at how much like a couple we sound.

Just yourselves, she replies.

A heavy sigh escapes my lips, and I can’t focus on the mural anymore. Placing my brushes in the cup to clean, I climb down and walk over to where Alex is lounging on the couch. It only takes one look before he’s opening his arms to me.

“It’ll be fine, rain cloud.”

I crawl onto the couch, laying my body against his, and he wraps me in a tight hug. He doesn’t have to say anything or make this right for me, but his support, his arms holding me down when I want to run, settle the fear in my chest.

We walk to the barbecue hand in hand. He pauses before we cross the yard and looks at me with a question in his expression. He’s asking me if I’m ready for this. For people to know we are doing this now. And I aim the question right back toward him. With a wink and a kiss on my forehead, he pulls me through the opening in the fence, and we enter the party.

It’s bigger than I expected, and everyone’s eyes are on us as we make our appearance. As a couple.

My mother is the first one to drop her jaw.

Cadence doesn’t even look surprised at all.

Alexander hands her the case of sparkling water he carried under his arm, and she gives us both a hug, all the while we keep our fingers locked. When my mom comes down from the porch to greet us, I flinch with the fear of how she might react, but a gentle squeeze of my fingers makes me relax.

When she engulfs me in a hug, it’s a strong one. Her chest quakes as she holds me, but I don't feel anything. I’m not sorry or sad, but I’m also not angry. If my emotions were like a sea, there are no waves or storms like there was once. The water is calm and quiet in my mind.

“I'm so glad you guys came,” she says through her tears when she pulls away.

“Of course,” Alexander says stiffly from beside me. He’ll be cordial with my mom, but I know deep down, he’s seething.

He and I settle by the side of the pool while Cadence fills us in on how she’s signed up for some courses with the community college. I’m glad to hear she’s trying to do something for herself, but I can’t help but notice the tension between her and Fischer and Liam. The guys haven’t spoken to her since we arrived, instead standing soberly by the grill.

“Alexander, will you please go help out those idiots,” Cadence says to him when a waft of smoke blows through the party.

The thought of Alexander leaving my side makes me tense. He’s my anchor, and I don’t want to be reminded of what it’s like to be back here without him. Not to mention I can already feel the onslaught of questions from my sister. She’s about to interrogate me, and I brace myself for it.

“So,” she says, leaning back with her drink once he’s out of earshot. “When did this happen?”

“Does it matter?”

“Who came on to whom?” she asks when I ignore her first question.

“I’m an adult, Cadence. I can have a boyfriend without the need for the third degree.”

Her lips press together tightly. After a moment, she nudges my leg. “I’m just trying to protect you.”

An unintentional huff escapes my lips, and I feel bad about it immediately.

She stares at me, and it’s not long before moisture fills her eyes. Then she looks away, her leg bouncing wildly. My sister has always tried to protect me, but it was never her job to. She has her own life. Her own problems. Her own jilted relationship with our parents to worry about.

“I didn’t mean that,” I whisper so quietly I doubt she even heard it.

But she sniffles, quickly wiping under her eye. “It’s okay. I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Seeming to drop the topic, she turns toward me with more seriousness in her eyes than I’ve ever seen on my sister’s face. “Are you happy?”

Considering her question for a moment, it’s not a yes or no answer I’m preparing. The answer is emphatically yes. But there are other emotions there, too: fear, excitement, paranoia. I just don’t know how to express all of that without getting into an hours-long therapy session with my sister in the midst of this party.