Page 48 of Beautiful Monster

“Where are we going?” I ask, running to catch up to him.

“It’s a surprise,” he answers with a laugh as he tosses an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close for a playful hug. He eventually drops his hand, and I want him to touch me again so badly.

When we turn the corner behind the nearest building, my breath catches in my throat. Along the backside of the building, spanning the entire block, is a mural of a woman and a tiger in front of a mountain landscape. The image is vibrant and colorful—so stunning that it’s impossible to just walk past without stopping to admire its grandeur. I halt in my tracks, taking in the overall scope and size of the painting.

“I found this online, and I knew you had to see it. The artist just finished it a couple weeks ago.” His fingers graze the small of my back as a couple moves around us, and I can’t focus on his touch. I’m too overwhelmed with this. The gesture, the mural, the perfection that he brought me here on my birthday.

As his fingers glide off my back, I catch them in my hand. His eyes linger on my face as I pull him down the street, taking in every detail of this magnificent piece of art. I’m not familiar with the artist, but I find his or her signature near the bottom and touch it softly. I have Alex’s hand clutched awkwardly in mine, but when he winds his fingers with mine, he smiles at me.

“Do you like it?”

“I’m obsessed,” I answer, feeling breathless.

“I can show you the article they posted in the news. I just wanted to surprise you and let you see it in person first.”

Standing next to the brick wall, I slide my arms around his waist and hug my body tight to his. With my face pressed to his soft shirt, he hugs me back and kisses me on the top of the head.

This intimacy is more than romantic. It’s more than friendly or sexual or anything either of us has ever felt before. When I feel Alexander’s heart beating in his chest, I imagine mine beating with it. As if they’ve synced.

And I know with more certainty than I’ve ever known anything that I love him. If not love then what else could this feeling be?

When the next cluster of people pass us, I notice how they each turn their heads, noticing Alexander, and I hope they take note of how close he’s standing to me and how intimately we’re embracing.

After we walk the length of the mural twice, our hands intertwined the entire time, he takes me to a little spot in the city with his favorite sushi. We share a couple rolls, laughing over stories he tells me of his first years on his own, and I revel in the way his eyes light up more than they have in a long time.

Later that afternoon, we walk together to the party, which has seemingly already started. My mother had it catered and hired a bartender, so now my backyard looks like a circus. She has pulled out all the stops for the occasion, which I know is her way of trying to make up for the damage she’s done. It’s a common fix in my family—throw money at our problems and hope they go away.

The yard is full of people. All of Cadence’s friends are over, and since I don’t actually have any friends, I didn’t invite anyone.

“My birthday baby!” my mom shrieks as I pass through the shrubs into the backyard. Everyone starts clapping, and I feel myself lean into Alexander. He puts a hand on the small of my back again and it gives me the sense of confidence and comfort I need to keep walking.

I look up at him, hoping he can read the frightened, desperate expression on my face.

“I’ll be right here all night,” he says as we walk hip to hip up the slope to the rest of the party. My aunts are gathered around my mom, and they all kiss and hug me, but it’s my mom’s eyes I can feel on me as she pulls me in for a tight embrace. When she pulls away, her eyes are misty, and she runs her thumb across my cheek.

We don’t say another word as I join my sister and her friends in the pool. Cadence is acting as flippant as ever, like nothing is ever wrong and everything is wonderful.

She swims toward me, throwing her arms around me and handing me her spiked seltzer. “Drink up, girl. Twenty is close enough to twenty-one. We’re getting blitzed tonight!”

Seems she already is. I glance over at Alexander as he stands by the pool in his chinos and button-up shirt, one hand in his pocket as he gives me a subtle wink and a nod.

He’s trying to tell me to have fun. That I’m safe with him.

So, I take the drink and slowly sip it. I don’t want to get drunk, but I wouldn’t mind something to calm my nerves a little. My sister cheers, followed by her friends in the pool.

The rest of the night goes by much the same. Cadence keeps handing me drinks, and I only drink about half of each one before I ditch it somewhere around the backyard. Still, I can feel myself slipping—past relaxed and into tipsy. I feel words on my lips I want to say but haven’t had the guts. I feel braver than normal and care much less about things I normally care about.

Still, through it all, I feel the watchful eyes of the man sitting at the edge of the pool. He is watching me like a sentry.

“I know you have swim trunks at home. Come swim with me,” I beg while hanging on his knees, his feet dangling in the water.

“You want me to swim with you?”

“Yes,” I say with a drunk smile.

“How many have you had, rain cloud?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know,” I slur.