Page 34 of Beautiful Monster

I crossed a line last night. I touched Sunny in a way that was against the rules. Then I thought about her in a way that was definitely against the rules. I’m here in this house to settle down, to stop throwing my life down the drain one pussy after another, and climbing between the sheets with a girl like her is not how I’m going to do that.

“Wait,” I say with a wince. “Why are you here?”

“I watched you nearly fall into your pool from my window.”

A smile creeps across my face. “You watched me through your window? Who’s taking care of who now?”

She glances over her shoulder, a barely there smirk on her lips. For a moment, we just savor the loaded eye contact. Then, she breaks the spell. “You cut your foot too.”

With a wince, I lift the covers and see the bandage and dried blood on my heel.

Fuck, what a mess I am.

“Thank you for coming over to help me,” I mumble with shame and embarrassment.

She is frozen in place with loaded emotion blatant on her face. I know that whatever she’s about to say is going to hurt.

I want it to hurt.

Hurt me, Sunny.

“My mom is a big drinker. Sister too. Alcohol has a way of getting between us, changing them, making their love hurt. I won’t judge you for your choices, Alexander, but if this is what your life is like…”

I sit up, reaching a hand toward her. “Sunny.”

“I can’t…” she whispers, tears brimming in her eyes. “I can’t do it, Alex⁠—”

God, I’m an asshole. The world’s biggest fucking asshole. I know how her mother is. I know what Sunny has to put up with at her house. I promised to be the one taking care of her, and I’ve failed already.

“I’m so sorry, rain cloud. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. Not from me.”

“It’s your life,” she mumbles with a shrug.

“I don’t care. When you’re here, I’ll do better. I’ll never do that to you again.”

It’s quiet as she holds my gaze—silent, vicious, proud.

When she doesn’t speak for a while, I give her a nod. “Better get home before your mom worries.” Her gaze doesn’t move from my face. I can see the resistance in her eyes.

My sweet, beautiful rain cloud.

I am torn in two over all the things I want when she is around. Half of me wants to protect her, feed her, and keep her safe and comfortable. The other half wants to peel back that tiny shirt to see what she’s hiding beneath. I want to know the face she makes when she comes. I want to watch her do it, her fingers buried knuckles deep…

Stop.

These are the things that make me the monster I am.

It doesn’t take a genius to see what a guy in his forties who’s fucked a different girl every week since he was sixteen would do with a nineteen-year-old virgin, and if I were any other guy, I would beat the ever-loving shit out of me for even thinking it.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Alex. You’re the only person who worries about me,” she mumbles as she walks out of the room. I don’t respond. I pull the blackout curtains closed, and I crawl back into bed, which is feeling a little colder now, and I sleep for as long as my body will let me.

CHAPTER 11

SUNNY

Cadence comes with me the next time I go to work in the pool house. After our little talk yesterday, she seems uptight about the idea of me spending so much time over here. Deep down, a part of me is nervous for her to see me and Alex together. Sure, we’re not sleeping together or anything near it, but we have a familiarity now. And I’m afraid if she sees that, she’ll get defensive again.

He comes out sometime in the late afternoon, that golden-hour sun glowing on his warm skin. And the moment he enters the room, the air thickens. It looks like he slept most of the day, which wouldn’t be surprising. I can hardly look at him after the whole thing between us last night.