Page 108 of Beautiful Monster

“Maybe you’re the person to talk to anyway,” she says, only hesitating for a moment. “She texted me last night. She’s turning down the Belize job, and I think it’s a mistake, Alex.”

I stop running, my heart hammering in my chest. “What Belize job?” I ask.

“It’s not my place to tell you, I know that.”

“What Belize job?” I echo, growing hot.

“It’s a commissioned piece. It’s a big deal, Alexander, and I just hate to see her pass it up.”

My face starts to feel clammy. “I’ll talk to her, Valerie.” My voice is clipped as I hang up on the woman, turning to run back to the house.

Why wouldn’t she tell me about that opportunity? That weightlessness I felt this morning is now gone because I have to worry about Sunny keeping secrets from me. Was she really afraid I would hold her back from this?

No. But if she thought it was between me and this job, she’d pick me.

What kind of man would I be if I let her do that?

Rushing back into the house, I meet her in the kitchen. She’s making coffee in nothing but one of my T-shirts. There is still a red tint to her cheeks from last night and this morning. Not to mention the sight of her back in my home, doing these everyday things that should make me feel so good, instead have me feeling like a selfish asshole. Because I want her to stay. I don’t want her going to Belize, but once again, I’m forced into this corner.

“That was fast,” she says with a smile, and I can’t bring myself to be angry. Sure, I want to yell at her. Inside, I’m seething. I need her to be honest. I need everything between us to be transparent so that every single decision we make, we make together.

But I’m at a loss, and deep down, I’m scared as hell. What if I yell, and she leaves? What if I have to do what I did six months ago and push her away? I don’t know if I can go through that again.

Letting the fear take over, I approach her and pull her small shoulders into a tight hug. Clutching her body in my hands, I press my face against her neck.

She gasps. “Alex, what is it?”

“I told you everything, Sunny. I didn’t leave a single thing out. I need you to do the same.”

Holding my hair between her fingers, she whispers. “I am…” It’s obvious she’s holding back.

“I don’t know if you’re trying to protect me or if you’re trying to protect us, but we have no future if you keep me out of your life.”

“Valerie told you.” Her voice is quiet as she slumps against my arms.

“Belize, Sunny. You turned down Belize, for what…this?” I say, gesturing around to the house. “If I push you away, would you go? If I told you I didn’t love you anymore, would it change your mind?”

She squeezes me tighter. “I wouldn’t believe you.”

“Then, take the job and don’t force my hand.” It pains me to say it. It actually hurts my chest to say those words, knowing that our time is limited, and this will keep happening over and over again.

“I won’t leave you.”

My blood boils. I hate myself for wanting her to stay. I hate that she wants to give up her whole future for me, and I hate that I love her so fucking much I have to endure this pain. Taking her face in my hands, I force her to look at me.

“Then, I’m coming with you.”

With her hands clasped around my shirt and in my hair, I watch the tears pool in her eyes. “But what about the house?”

“Fuck the house, Sunny. It’s just a house.”

My chest tightens, keeping her face just inches from mine. It feels too good to be true. Too perfect to accept.

“But you’ve made so much progress this year, Alex. You’ve built a life here. I can’t take that away.”

Taking her lips in mine, I let her feel how serious I am. Could all my years of throwing my life away really come to this? Having everything? Having something better than perfection?

“Baby, you are my life now,” I speak against her lips. “Sunny, I moved here to settle down, but nothing has ever settled me more than you. I don’t need to settle down. I just need you.”