Page 45 of Masked Instincts

And I do. I pack a bag with as many of my things as I can fit inside—a toothbrush, hair brush, clothes—everything I could possibly need.

When I close the door behind us, it feels like I’m leaving an entire person. Maybe it’s for the better that version of me dies here.

twenty-five

JAX

”Fuck,” I grumble.

“What is it with you?” Mama asks me. We are sitting in her bedroom. Luna is out in the living room. I have a YouTube video of ‘How To Do Acrylic Nails At Home’ playing on the TV.

“You’ve been watching these videos for like three months. Why don’t you try practicing on someone?” Mama implores.

“I’m practicing on this stupid hand,” I say as I point to all the products and plastic hand before me.

“It’s different on a real hand. Why are you learning anyhow?”

“I’m trying to learn for Luna.”

Luna barely sees the light of day. She’s gone from going to class daily to doing it online. She rarely leaves the house, but her graduation is coming up in two months. I want to do something nice for her. I’ve been losing my mind trying to find ways to make her happy, but what happened that night three months ago is still killing her.

If I learned this, I could do her nails and my own to match. I’d take her out for a Spa Day, but I can’t. Because of that, I’m going to bring the Spa to her.

This shit is a lot harder than the video makes it seem. I got all the right products. A hand drill, monomer, acrylic powder, nail tips, etc..

“Here,” Mama says as she sits on the bed in front of me. “I’ll help. Use my hand.”

“They won’t look good,” I laugh. Mama shrugs her shoulders. “What’s Luna doing?”

“She was watching TV with her laptop,” Mama tells me. I nod my head. That’s all I see her do. She doesn’t eat or drink anything. She's a walking zombie.

“Drill first right on the nail, but be careful not to drill too much or too long in one spot,” Mama explains. I follow her instructions. “Good. Now, use the dehydrator before gluing the tips. When you choose the tips, make sure they hug from one side of the nail to the other.”

I go through sizing her fingers, matching the right nail to hers and gluing them.

“Next, use your little scissors and cut them. They don’t need to be too long. Go about there,” she says as she points to where she wants the cut. I cut each one and measure with the same finger on the opposite hand to ensure they’re even. That’s a step I learned from the video.

“Now use the drill again to mesh the fake nail with my real and remove the shine from the fake.”

We keep doing this dance. I do a step; she tells me the next one. It takes us two hours to finish, but when I do, they actually look good.

“Holy shit, I did it!” I cheer. Mama looks over her hands. The nails are smooth and free of bumps, and the polish isn’t chipped.

“Jax, these are really good,” she compliments.

“Can I keep practicing on you? Until it’s time for her graduation?”

“Of course you can, Jaxy,” Mama smiles. I smile back at her.

I hope Luna will be happy when the time comes.

“Hey, baby,” I say softly as I walk to the living room. Luna is sitting on the couch—her laptop on the side table and the TV on some random show. Just the lamp in the corner lights the room.

I take a look at the clock to see it’s almost one in the morning.

“Hi,” she says.

“You gotta get some sleep, yeah?” She shrugs her shoulders at me. There are bags beneath her eyes, but depression and lack of sleep will do that to you. I've been right where she is. I know exactly what it's like to fight the demons who won't go to sleep. It wasn't long ago she was talking me off the edge.