Page 46 of Sing For Us

Whoever is screaming, they won’t find me. They won’t find the Lana they knew. I place my head on top of my father’s chest, and I don’t try to find his heartbeat. As I don’t try to find mine.

I have no parents left. No family. No saving grace. No one to pray over me. Now it’s just me. Just Lana.

Lana.

Lana.

Lana.

I close my eyes and let the smoke fill my lungs, hoping to succumb to everything that is coming to me.

***

“Fall in love, sunce moje.”

My head is killing me, my throat is sore and I am fucking exhausted. I blink a couple of times and the light from the one lamp is hurting my eyes. So I close my eyes again, until I feel a hand clamp over mine.

“You are my oldest friend, and if you try to leave me again like that, I will follow you.”

Emin.

My best friend is holding my hand and I have never seen him this vulnerable. His eyes are red-rimmed while his lips are pressed into a thin line.

“Emin.” I try to sit up straight in what to seems my bed. “What happened?” My question makes Emin shake his head. I close my eyes and I cry. Again.

My dad is dead.

It was all real.

It still is.

“He is really gone, isn’t he?” I ask, even though I know the answer. My best friend nods. The throbbing in my head intensifies, and the bile in my throat grows bigger. My body is stiff, and I can’t move.

“Lana, I am so sorry. I was so worried about you, I had to come check up on you. When I saw you lying there in the smoke, I knew I had to take you to my house.” His care for me is unwavering, and that’s why we are best friends. The honesty in his words makes me open my eyes and hug him. I don’t normally do this shit, but I really need this. I need to feel something.

“Where is he now?” I ask Emin as we let each other go. Just now I am noticing that he is sitting on a chair.

“He is at the mortuary after the medical examiner did an autopsy.” In our world, things move faster. I can get ahead of anyone and get answers within a couple of hours. I suddenly remember what I promised him if I survive this—everything and everyone will be burned down.

I gesture with my right hand for Emin to continue talking. “He got stabbed in his lower abdomen and bled out. There was also something very interesting.”

“What?” This piece of information will make or break me.

“The letter M was carved right above his chest.”

“Who is that?”

“I don’t fucking know. But what I do know is this: I need to know everything about M.”

“I’ll take care of that and start from your house.”

1. "I love you" in Bosnian.

Chapter eighteen

Lana

Aloyal employee picks me up, and the drive back to my house is a blur.