Page 51 of Winter Break

“Oh, yeah! That was Turner? I kinda forgot about that! Oh my God, Dalt. You were obsessed with him even way back then!”

I sighed and ignored the comment.

“Brett called him slutty. On that trip and when they were in school.”

Austin held his hand up for a high five and said, “My man.”

I just glared at him, leaving him hanging. He clenched his fists at shoulder height and quietly said, “Go, Turner,” huffing out a whispered cheer.

“Okay, whatever. Gay guys are promiscuous, gay guys play the field. Gay guys hook up.” I mimicked his cheer as sarcastically as I could. “You know that’s not me, Austin. You know it’s not!”

Austin put a hand on my shoulder. “I know that’s not you. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay for you to be who you are. But you can’t blame Turner for going through that phase. Like a million years ago. I mean, I don’t think that’s him now. Seriously, all I ever hear about him is that he’s like the king of the Chamber of Commerce, spending all his time either in his two stores or strategizing with my dad on how to drum up off-season business. I don’t think he’s dated anyone in years. You can’t judge him for fucking around when he was in college, Dalton. That’s just not fair. Do you … do you judge me?”

“No, of course not. It’s not that. That’s not what I meant. It’s just, I think he broke up with me last year …”

Ausitn glared at me. We’d had this conversation before, and Austin had pointed out that he couldn’t have broken up with me since we were never technically going out.

“… or whatever because of some notion that I should be out there …” I waved my hand in the air.

“Playing the field?”

“Yeah, and I never got the chance to explain to him that that’s not me. That’s not who I am.”

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense. It’s probably important that he understands that.” Austin stared at his drink and I waited for him to continue.

“You should go for what you want, Dalton, for work, for school, with Turner. He should have all the facts. If he pushed you away last year because he thought it was best for you, I guess it’s okay for you to educate him on what might actually be best for you. You deserve to be happy.”

“I’m gonna talk to him. Over winter break. I mean, assuming Anita and Wyatt haven’t kidnapped him to go to the North Pole or whatever. If he doesn’t want me because he doesn’t want me, then that’s fine. I’ll respect that. But the rest of it is bullshit, and I’m gonna tell him. About me. About how I feel. I have to make him understand.” Austin knew me well; he could hear the doubt in my voice.

“We’re graduating next year. Everything is changing. You should definitely talk to him. Clear the air one way or the other.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Dalton, I’ve known you since we were eleven years old. There has only ever been one thing in all of that time that you’ve wanted and haven’t gotten. Job at the toy store—check. Beach guard? Oh, how about co-captain of the beach patrol? Head fish counter on a porny Alaskan research vessel?” He had me laughing.

“I was never head fish counter; I was only ever an intern. And I gave up the co-captaincy that summer when I went to Alaska instead.”

“Ahh, but you earned it, Dalt. All of it. My point is, you’ve gotten everything you’ve ever wanted, except for one thing. One quiet, nerdy, boring, toy store-owning thing.”

“Who happens to be my brother’s best friend.”

Austin glared at me as he sipped his drink. “Yup, there’s the Jäger. If it was a problem for you that he’s Brett’s best friend, you wouldn’t have thrown yourself at him in the first place. Or the second place, or that third time …”

“I didn’t throw myself at him,” I insisted, but Austin gave me a look. “Okay, but it was only two times.” He glared some more. “Maybe two and a half.”

This was a conversation we’d had before as well, so Austin just kept giving me looks without responding.

“Okay. So, Brett might not be my only problem. Turner is all by himself. Especially now, with Anita flitting all over the world. I was so stupidly happy for him that he’s in New York with them this week even if it means I don’t get to see him.”

“That’s really sweet, Dalt, but what does that have to do with you two?”

“I mean, I think he only talks to his parents, like, once a year. He has Anita, and he has Brett, and he has this town. What if …”

“Go on.”

Austin was interested because this was something else I hadn’t shared with him before. Something I hadn’t shared with anyone.

“What if I’m just an extension?” Austin took a big gulp and made a big face.