Page 41 of Deacon

I froze, one elbow braced into the mattress, my other hand at the juncture of our legs, staring down at her face.

The fire died, my hard-on softening.

Fuck.

I didn’t have it in me for this shit. I was lying to her, and to myself, I thought as my soul slammed shut any vestiges of desire, followed by a massive surge of disgust.

Nashami blinked, reaching for me, her eyes on me.

‘Deacon?’

With a groan, I rolled onto my back, digging my palms into my eyes as a gut-wrenching wave of shame washed over me.

‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this.’

‘The hell?’

I groaned as an awkward silence fell.

Eventually, I tried to explain, fumbling my words.

‘I’m just dead tired, probably from running around with Raff.’

Nashami sat up, pulling the sheet over her chest, her eyes flashing with anger.

‘Are you serious right now? You play the charming bad boy all night, get me heated, and now you’re bowing out with some weak excuse that your kid is tiring you?’

‘Fine, I’ll be real with you, Nashami,’ I fessed, gazing at the ceiling, unable to face her. ‘I fucked up. I thought I was ready for this. I’m not.’

‘So what am I, Deacon? A consolation prize? A distraction from whoever you’re actually thinking about? Let me guess, Ana?’

She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw tight, disappointment lacing her voice.

‘I’m not used to getting rejected, not by a guy who was making out with me in the back of my car ten minutes ago.’

‘You’re an amazing woman,’ I said, turning my head to lock eyes with her. ‘You’re stunning, smart, a fucking supermodel, and any man would be lucky to be here. This is on me. I’m a mess.’

She stared at me for a long, silent moment, her anger giving way to a bitter sigh.

‘Unbelievable,’ she muttered. ‘Know what? I’m going to sleep.’

With that, she turned her back to me and pulled the duvet over her shoulders.

‘Lie down and keep your hands to yourself,’ she clipped. ‘We’ll deal with this in the morning.’

‘For what it’s worth, I feel like shit, Nashami. I apologize.’

‘Just stop talking. Good night.’

I sighed, then eased away to find my shorts.

Pulling them on, I lay back down on the bed, too tired and heart-weary to plan an escape.

Closing my eyes, I remained still until Nashami’s frustrated breathing gave way to soft little snores.

I also succumbed to exhaustion soon after.

When sleep took me, I dreamed of Ana, in my arms, as I made love to her, and she whispered my name as we came together in wild ecstasy.