Page 77 of Ash and Poison

And it tasted like freedom.

It was freedom.

And we’d never go back into the cages.

I survived what happened to me with my mind intact, but I wasn’t any different from Millie—no different from a million other girls just like me.

Every time I thought I’d finally outrun my past, it would catch up to me in my nightmares.

My foster father would leer at me, his skin slick with sweat, his hands gripping my hair. I’d wake up drenched in the sickening realization that no matter how fast I ran, I’d never escape him.

When the session was over, I sat with the picture Millie gave me, my heart breaking into a million pieces.

For Millie.

For Layne and Trina.

For Riley.

For myself.

For every girl whose inner child was killed too soon. For every girl who had to trade tea parties and fairy tales for fighting the real wolves. For those who had to learn too young that good men were rare, that most men were opportunists.

For all the girls who had been forced to carry burdens far too heavy for their small shoulders.

This world was cruel to us, and the only way to take some of our power back, to take back control… was to kill the monsters, bury them in their own blood, and dance on their graves.

To choose violence.

I wiped my cheeks.

Dear A,

My nightmare comes in flashes of trees that smell like cigars and something strangely sweet.

The monster in the woods comes with laughter that sounds like bells on graveyards.

As his legs push mine apart, he tells me that I’m stronger than the girls who came before me.

He tells me I’m his favorite.

He kisses my lips, and the sound of his watch grows louder until my fear drowns in that sound.

When I beg the monster to let go, he says the game will only stop when I give up. But he begs me to hold on, a little longer. That he isn’t bored of me yet. He wants more.

“So…” he says. “Let me love you longer, little bird, before I cut your wings off permanently.”

And then he unzips his pants, and pulls my dress up, and drinks my tears again.

As I scream and scream, he laughs and laughs.

Asher, I can’t scream anymore. I don’t want to.

Please… please…

Riley.

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