Page 60 of Screwed

“Don’t,” I whispered, taking a step closer and reaching out, my fingers knotting into the rough, stiff fabric of his jacket. “Going back to those people, delving into that old world… This is my mess. Don’t slip back into that just because of something I brought here.”

Deacon looked down at me, a humorless chuckle vibrating deep in his chest. The hard edges of his face softened just a fraction, but his eyes were still intense and dark. His hand came up, his palm wrapping around the back of my neck and holding me in place as he tilted my chin up.

When he bent down and kissed me, I knew this wasn’t just a show of affection or passion. It was an apology. It was hard and aggressive, a deep pressure that burned right through the numbing panic in my ribs.

I clung to his jacket, my heart beating wildly as I melted into him and let the certainty of his touch steady the frantic spinning in my head. When he finally pulled away, he didn’t let go of me. His thumb brushed a slow line across my lower lip, his gaze locked onto mine until he was sure I was really listening.

“I promise I’ll be back soon,” he murmured. Then, after a brief pause, he added, “With guns. Hold the fort for me, okay?”

I could only press my lips together and watch as the shadow of his truck disappeared into the fog of the driveway until even the sound of the engine was swallowed by the trees.

I shivered and decided I'd better head back before I did something stupid, like run after him. The door closed behind me; the hollow sound echoed through the dim living room. In the center of the gloom, Nate and Ethan sat huddled around the dining table, bathed in the yellow glow of a single battery-powered lantern. The light caught the rigid lines of Nate’s crossed arms and the restless movement of Ethan’s hand as he rolled a pencil over a hand-drawn perimeter map.

The silence between them was thick with the weight of Deacon’s departure and the situation as a whole.

I didn’t know what to say to them. If I were feeling this worried about Deacon’s wellbeing, I could only imagine how his two best friends were feeling right about now. But I also knew that he was the only one out of all of us who could give Nate’s stubbornness a run for its money. There would’ve been no stopping him short of knocking him out and tying him up.

I made my way over to the table. As I drew closer, the exhaustion rolling off them became palpable. They looked like soldiers stuck in a trench. Ethan finally stopped rolling the pencil. He leaned back in his chair, his shoulders slumping as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“He’ll make it back,” he said, though there was something missing from his voice. “Deacon knows how to stay under the radar when he wants to.”

“He’s driving a four-ton diesel truck into a town that only has two main roads,” Nate countered without looking up from the map. His jaw was locked so tight that a small muscle ticked near his ear.

Ethan snapped his mouth shut. Nate’s eyes fixated on a specific choke point on the drawing. The yellow lantern light cast the hollow contours of his face into stark relief, making him look even more unreachable than his voice sounded.

Standing at the edge of the table, I felt a suffocating wave of guilt all over again. I was the reason they were sitting in the dark, worrying about their friend’s safety. I was the reason for all of this. I wanted to say something brilliant and encouraging, or maybe offer them a grand apology for the umpteenth time. But my mouth couldn’t form any words. Something had to give.

I inched my way closer to them, then walked around the table. “I know he’s going to be okay,” I said, sounding surprisingly confident in that claim. And maybe I meant it. Maybe the best thing to be right now was delusional. What other options did we have?

I stepped even closer, deliberately closing the gap until I was standing right between their chairs, the silence between us suddenly charged with something more than fear. I didn’t say a word as I placed a steady hand on each of their shoulders. I let my touch linger, adding pressure to convey with my body what my words couldn’t; that I was here and not expecting them to clean up my mess on their own, that I had absolute faith in Deacon’s ability to take care of himself, and that I trusted him to know what he was doing. That he’d come back, and all I wanted was for all three of them to be safe.

I could feel the coiled, rigid tension in Nate’s body. As I continued to gently massage the stress from his muscles, he let out a small groan, his body relaxing just a bit. Ethan had the opposite reaction. He’d gone from being incredibly still to rigid, tensing beneath my touch. Slowly, he turned around to look at me.

I didn’t stop touching Nate as Ethan reached around and pulled me by the neck into a kiss. Nate froze, and I could feel his eyes on me without needing to check if he was even watching. I knew he was. I broke the kiss with Ethan, then redirected my attention to Nate.

His face was conflicted, his old script warring with the desire I knew was building up by the unevenness of his breathing. But I wanted him to choose. I’d laid out my terms, and I wasn’t about to force him into anything he didn’t want to do. I let my nails scratch the back of his scalp and he closed his eyes for a second, his breath hitching altogether. With a free hand still on Ethan’s shoulder, I closed the distance between Nate and me, giving him enough time to pull back if he didn’t want this.

He held back, his dark eyes wide with focus and what looked almost like fear. But then he surprised me by meeting me the rest of the way. He was hungry for it, cupping my face and deepening the kiss before I acknowledged what had just happened. I felt Ethan’s lips on my neck as he adjusted his position.

I broke the kiss this time, moving back. Both men were twisted in their seats, watching me carefully, eyes glazed over with lust. I made my way around, circling them until I was once again on the other side of the dining room table. I crooked my finger. There was a single beat of silence where no one moved a muscle. Then Nate stood up first. He almost knocked the table off-kilter as he grabbed me by the waist, pulling me against his body as his mouth claimed mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let myself soften against him.

The stress and fear melted away, suddenly muted by the loudness of the arousal that was rising with every passing second. I held my arm out blindly to Ethan and felt him come to my side and kiss my hand before pressing himself against my back.

Our hands explored each other, slipping under and over clothes, increasing the heat until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Now that Nate seemed to have made up his mind, he was more than happy to take the lead. He began undressing me, and Ethan followed his lead. Both men peppered kisses on my skin as more of it became available, and when I tried to take theirs off, Nate grabbed my wrists and held them back.

“Not just yet, Ava,” he said, his voice a soft, rough whisper against my neck. “I think we’re gonna focus on you for a bit. What do you think, Ethan?”

Ethan murmured his agreement into my cleavage, his tongue snaking out. I hissed, very aware of what these two were planning. I was now standing in nothing but my bra and panties while they were still fully dressed.

Nate turned me around again. “Who says you have to get all the fun?”

I didn’t realize he was talking to Ethan until I felt him unclasp my bra. Nate slid it off and lowered his mouth to my breasts, greedily sucking on my nipples until my back arched. Ethan kissed the center of my back, wedging me between their attention until I was soaking.

I had a hand in each of their hair, tugging and trying desperately for them to allow me to touch them back. But Nate stopped me every time, whispering his disapproval until I finally relented and just gave myself over to the pleasure they were providing. Ethan’s hand caressed my back, trailing along my spine and eliciting goosebumps on my flesh until he reached my ass and squeezed. Nate, at the same time, had lowered the trail of his mouth until he was on his knees in front of me. He looked up at me, dark eyes heavy-lidded.

He gripped my hips and dipped his tongue into my belly button as he hooked his fingers over the waistline of my panties. My head lolled back, and Ethan put a hand around my neck and kissed my ear. “Look down at him, baby.”

I shivered, reestablishing eye contact with Nate.