Page 56 of The Duchess’ Second Chance

“I don’t believe that. Ever since you went to that ball the other night, you’ve been strange. Distant. You didn’t even remember to bring me a flower, as you promised that you would.”

“I’m awfully sorry about that,” Amanda said sincerely. “I’ll have the gardener bring in a whole bouquet for you.”

“I don’t care about the flower,” Rose said impatiently. “I care about the fact that you forgot. You’ve never forgotten to do anything you said you would do for me in all the time I’ve known you, Amanda. You think about me too much, truth be told. I don’t require as much attention as you give me. But it is odd for you, and I don’t know what could have caused you to change…unless it was something that happened between you and Sampson.”

Amanda sucked in a breath without meaning to, startled by how much the little girl had noticed.

“At first,” Rose went on, “I thought maybe you’d had such a lovely time at the ball that you had simply forgotten everything else. That was what I hoped for! I thought you might be so happy after an evening of dancing with him that you weren’t thinking about me. You would deserve that, you know, because you always do kind things for me, and you don’t really think about yourself.”

“I do think of myself,” Amanda protested.

“Maybe, but I don’t see it if you do,” Rose said. “Anyway, I know that isn’t what happened, because you’ve hardly spoken to him since the ball. You’ve been taking your meals in here with me. I saw you pass by him in the hall the other day and instead of saying good morning to him, you lowered your head and hurried past. And he didn’t say anything either, but the way he paused and looked at you, it was obvious that something was bothering him. I don’t know what’s going on, but something isn’t right.”

Amanda sighed. “Marriage is a very complicated thing, Rose. And you know that I didn’t marry Sampson because of any great love for him. I did it to make sure you and I would have a home.”

“But do you hate him now?” Rose pressed.

“Of course, not. I don’t hate anybody,” Amanda said. “I’m just learning who he is. I’m getting to know him as a person, and sometimes that’s going to mean that I’ll be surprised by the things I find out. It’s okay to face surprises. I just need a little bit of a break from my new husband. It’s challenging finding one’s way in a relationship for the first time. Someday, you may learn that for yourself.”

“Well, I hope I don’t,” Rose said firmly. “If this is what it’s like—dodging your husband, hiding in corners so that you don’t have to speak to him—then I hope I never marry.”

Amanda felt a surge of guilt. “Don’t say that, Rose,” she implored the girl. “Really, it isn’t that bad. I know that I’m making this look very uncomfortable, but that’s my own weakness. I’m not good at acclimating to new things, that’s all.”

“That isn’t true,” Rose countered. “You didn’t act this way when I first came to live with you, and that was a new thing. You liked me right away.”

“Well, you’re easier to get along with than Sampson is,” Amanda said with a smile.

“But what makes him difficult to get along with?”

“Oh, it’s complicated,” Amanda sighed.

“Yes, you said that. Marriage is complicated, you said.”

“And it is. Even though we’ve said our vows and we’re now husband and wife, there are many more things for us to figure out. We need to figure out what we want from each other. Most people have more time to decide that sort of thing before they walk down the aisle. Sampson and I had very little time. And even if we had, there are questions you don’t realize you have until you find yourself in the thick of things, until you’re already married and trying to determine what your life is going to look like.”

I could never have guessed that I needed to ask him if he was lying about what happened with George. If we’d had a bit longer before we married, I might have gotten the sense that he wasn’t being truthful. I might have been better able to protect myself! But everything just happened so quickly that I never had a chance.

“What is your life going to look like?” Rose blinked with wide-eyed concern. “He is going to allow us to stay here, isn’t he? You don’t mean that he’s going to turn us out? Is that why you’re angry with him?”

“No, no,” Amanda assured her, feeling bad for allowing the girl to see so much of what she was feeling. She had clearly caused Rose to worry. “Nothing is wrong, Rose, I promise. You don’t need to be concerned about anything like that. The things we’re figuring out are between Sampson and myself. Nothing about it is going to change your life, I promise you that.”

Rose regarded her through narrowed eyes. “Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless you’re deciding you might like to have another child,” Rose explained.

Amanda’s eyebrows lifted.

“Don’t worry,” Rose said quickly. “I used to think that if you had another child you’d get rid of me because you wouldn’t need me anymore. But I don’t think that now. I’m old enough to understand that isn’t the way it works. You wouldn’t stop liking me.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t!” Amanda said. “Even if I had ten children, I would always love you, Rose. Nothing could make me send you away.”

“I know.” Rose smiled and took her hand. “I used to worry about that, but I know better now. Actually, now I think it might be rather nice to have brothers and sisters, so I wouldn’t mind at all if you decided you wanted more children.” She smiled winningly. “You should do it. You’re a wonderful mother to me.”

Amanda’s heart warmed, and she smiled at Rose. “If I’m such a good mother, then do as I tell you and finish your lesson. If you complete the reading I’ve set for you, we can go out and play with Hermes for a while.”

That was enough to sway Rose. She turned back to the book and began to read eagerly.