Page 9 of Ballad of Rioting Hearts

How am I going to get Kelsey to understand any of this? Why I made the choice I did tonight. What I’m trying to do by agreeing to this farce? That I plan to find evidence that I can use to keep Sonatina at bay. That this is the only way to make sure that she leaves Kelsey and me alone without causing trouble for the band with the label.

I call again. It’s obsessive-compulsive behavior. Not being able to leave her alone when it’s clear she won’t talk to me. But I’ll call again and again until she does. It doesn’t matter how angry she is when she finally picks up. At least if she’s angry there’s still a chance for us.

It rings out again.

My hand trembles as I end the call. I draw air into my lungs, struggling to shake off the red haze at the edge of my vision. I can’t leave here. I can’t make her talk to me. There’s nothing I can do tonight.

I need to be cool, collected. Stay focused. Dig into Sonatina’s things and try to find something useful.

My phone buzzes in my hand. The screen lights up.

Kodiak: She doesn’t want to talk to you tonight. Stop calling. Let her sleep.

Is he watching her sleep? Or is he curled around her? Holding her close? Keeping her safe from Marco even in her dreams.

Fuck him for getting there first. Why couldn’t it have been Rook, Bronx, or Golden? I’d rather be grateful to one of them.

Riot: Thanks, man. Thanks for keeping her safe.

Kodiak: I’ll treat her like she’s my own. You don’t have to worry about her.

The only hands I could trust her in as much as my own would be one of my bandmates. But why did it have to be his hands? When he’s warned me, he wants a shot at something more with her. Something that might take her so far away from me that I’ll never get her back.

And she has feelings for him too. Perhaps not the kind we had, but real affection. I’m not blind. I can see how close they’re getting. How he makes her feel safe and cared for in a way I failed to give her.

I was an idiot not to realize what Sonatina was capable of two years ago. I’ve let my anger get the better of me since Kelsey’s been back in my life. Left bruises on her neck. Fucked other women in front of her. Coerced her into getting on her knees for me. Held her down... bullied her.

I’ve done all these things. Acted like a total piece of shit to her. I fall to my hands and knees and retch. Acted like the kind of men I’ve always believed should be put six feet under.

Eventually I stop heaving and collapse on my ass. Burying my head in my hands, shoulders shaking, I imagine her in a life that I’m not a part of.

She could move on. She could be happy. And I want her to be happy. I want her to be loved the way she deserves. Even if that’s with Kodiak.

The tightness that surrounds my heart squeezes the air from me. A less selfish man would give her the chance to be happy without him. It’s what I should do. But I can’t imagine surviving without her.

Slowly I get back on my feet and go inside. I won’t call her again tonight. Won’t make demands just so I can hear her voice, no matter how anxious I am. I’ll give her these dark hours to hate me all over again. And I’ll hate myself too.

I just hope that I can prove to her that I can be the man she needs me to be, and that in time she’ll find it in her heart to forgive me for all the ways I’ve screwed up and let her down.

The villa is quiet inside. Dimly lit. Even in a city that never sleeps it’s damn late.

I stop by the door to the bedroom. The lights are off and there’s a deep rhythm to Sonatina’s breathing that tells me she’s asleep.

I shut the door and look around the hotel room. I might not be able to fix everything that is wrong between Kelsey and me, but I can start looking for anything I can use to get Sonatina to back off.

Either something that clears Kelsey of any wrongdoing or proves that Sonatina is shady as fuck.

Her phone is on the nightstand in the bedroom, so I start with her purse. It’s sleek and glittery. Barely able to hold more than a few makeup essentials, her phone, a credit card, and a compact mirror. I smooth my fingers over the lining, looking for something more. The round bump of a few pills. A memory stick. Anything.

But at least tonight, she had no plans on roofying me again.

Her laptop is on the coffee table, and I lift the gold lid and roll a finger over the trackpad until the screen lights up. Maybe there’s something digital.

Of course it’s password protected.

The cursor blinks at me from the password box. What would she use? Popstar? Nope, that doesn’t work. Daddy’s girl? Again nothing. Sonatina Savant? Sonatina Maddox?

I hold my breath.