Page 159 of Wicked Villain

I’d say I had one of the best nights’ sleeps in probably a month.

At breakfast, I ate with Lev and tried to act normal.

I only crumbled inside when he kissed me goodbye, and I realized that was the last time I was going to see him.

At that point, the weight of what I was about to do took its toll on me.

I keep telling myself this is for the best, best for everyone involved.

I recite the same mantra over and over on the way to the charity, but my uncertainty worsens when Anushka skips into the office with a box of donuts from the bakery.

I didn’t expect to see her. Yesterday, when I said goodbye, I thought that was it.

Her being here is a surprise gift I never thought I’d have, so I decide to cherish a few more hours with the only friend I’ve ever had.

I listen to her talk about her upcoming projects, and I absorb everything, hanging on to every word. As midday approaches, my heart sinks, lower and lower with each minute that passes by.

When the time comes, numbness overwhelms me and I get cold feet.

The truth of the matter is, I don’t want to leave.

I start thinking about what would happen if I stayed. Mama would go crazy, but she’d forgive me eventually.

If I stayed, I’d get to be with Lev.

We have this beautiful thing that’s blossoming every time I see him. I’m actually excited to wake up every day and be with him. That has to count for something. Right?

Or… not.

Things change, and so do people.

In this world of money and power that I belong to, people are more likely to change, and not entirely for the best.

I’ve seen it happen with my father. Papa went from bad to worse and jumped straight to evil.

My husband, the new Pakhan of the Karsavin Bratva, is more powerful than Papa. Better to leave now and remember him as he is than stay and wait for the changes that will inevitably disappoint me.

All things aside, I can’t stay and live a lie. I can’t keep lying to people I love and care about.

Nor can I keep lying to myself.

I just want to be Allegra. The girl who loves art and life and adventure.

I’ve been suffocated and controlled for so long. I want to be free of that.

So… I guess no matter what I feel for Lev, this is the way out if I want all those things.

With that thought, I rise from behind my desk.

It’s five minutes past twelve now. I got stuck in my head for too long.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, feeling awful when Anushka starts packing her things to head to the coffee house. We’re supposed to go there together.

I resist the urge to hug her one last time, and smile instead as I walk through the door.

Roman and Konstantin both tip their heads respectfully as I walk down the corridor, neither of them suspecting anything amiss.

I keep my steps steady, my hands at my sides, sadly realizing I don’t have anything. What I have with me now is what I’m taking.