Page 105 of Wicked Villain

I’ve been trying to understand my feelings. At one point I tried to convince myself that my fascination with this man was crazy-stupid. No way could I be dumb enough to develop Stockholm syndrome for my captor. I thought I needed to think of the other night as a mistake, then regain control of my mind and focus on the things that mattered.

After all, Lev is the same man who burst into my home and stole me, then forced me to marry him by using Mama’s treatment as leverage. He held it over me like an ax.

I remembered all those vengeful things. Until I realized that I couldn’t resist or ignore my feelings for him.

I can think of all those terrible things as much as I want, but my feelings are no less real than everything that’s happened between us.

Emotions aside, Lev seems like a different person from the man who started his revenge crusade against my father.

My villain, my tormentor, my husband.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I know that. I have no idea what we’ll be like when we next see each other, but being with Lev is a memory I want to keep locked in my heart, separate from everything else. My parents would want me to feel ashamed. I won’t.

“Sweetheart, are you still there?” Mama asks.

“Yeah. Sorry I lost track.”

She chuckles. “That’s alright. Are you okay? You seem distant.”

“Yes. I’m fine. I just had a late night.” I decide to try and stay focused while I talk to her. I don’t want her to think I’m not as excited about the visit as she is.

“I’m just excited to see you. Your father will be too.”

I don’t know why she says things like that when it’s not true. I want to ask her when Papa has ever been excited to see me, but I bite my tongue.

“I can’t wait to see you too.”

“Me too. I’ll make peach cobbler and some of your other favorites.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“You are most welcome, my dear. I’d better get going. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour. I wanted to hear your voice and give you the news before I left.”

I smile at that. “Thank you for calling, Mama. I really can’t wait to see you.”

“I hope we can put this all behind us one day. Keep strong, my girl. Keep strong.”

A pang of guilt shoots through me, but I ignore it. “I will, Mama.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

We hang up and I drop my hand to my side, allowing the phone to dangle between my fingers.

I’m going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow. I just know it. I feel like I’m playing both sides.

It feels twisted that the very man who stole me is still controlling our lives and has now given his permission for me to go back home to visit my parents. But I know that’s just one way of looking at the situation. And I know there’s more to it than what anyone can see on the surface.

I put the phone in my bag. Better not to think about it now. I don’t want to spend the day worrying. I’m supposed to be going to the charity in a little while.

I set my bag down and leave the room. I’m going to grab some coffee and toast downstairs, then head out for the day.

Maybe Lev will be home when I get back tonight.

Or not.

I promised myself I wouldn’t pine over him. Anushka has messaged me a few times to check on me. She’s in Switzerland with her mom for a week. I told her I was fine. I haven’t mentioned anything about Lev and me, or about the woman. The woman who I’m still not comfortable with.