Page 52 of All Your Dreams

“I have endometriosis,” I say finally. “Pretty severe. I was diagnosed after years of medical issues. I’ve had a few operations.” My voice stays steady, but my throat burns. Ollie doesn’t interrupt or react too quickly. He just listens, eyes locked on mine.

“They told me getting pregnant would be unlikely,” I continue, blinking fast when everything in front of me blurs. “Not impossible, but not easy. And…yeah. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I used to tuck my stuffed animals into bed beside each other and kiss them goodnight. I even had my favorite names picked out.” I laugh weakly, hating myself for admitting that. “It’s embarrassing.”

Ollie shifts on the blanket. His hand finds mine over Tilly, warm and sure. He doesn’t squeeze, holding it only. “It’s not,” he insists.

His eyes hold such understanding that more tears fall down my cheek. He swipes them away with his thumb. “I don’t talk about my diagnosis much,” I confess. “People get weird. They either try to reassure me or make me feel less of a woman, because my body failed me. So I just stopped.”

Ollie is quiet for a moment, then says gently, “There are plenty of ways to start a family. Biology isn’t the only option. Whether you give birth to a child or not doesn’t define how good of a parent you’d be.”

Another knot loosens in my chest. Not completely, but enough that I can breathe easier. There were no dramatic reassurances or pitying words about how God has a plan for all of us like most people would say. Just a simple truth Ollie believes in.

I clear my throat, forcing a small laugh. “Anyway. I would like to focus on something else right now.”

He reaches for Tilly just as she lets out a squeaky protest from the blanket between us. Ollie smiles, the expression automatic and impossibly soft as he lowers Tilly onto his stomach and lies back down. She blinks at him with wide serious eyes before breaking into a gummy smile.

“Did she just smile without it being gas?” I ask.

“She did.”

“Oh my God.”

He glances at me, amused by my reaction. “You act like you’ve never seen a baby smile before.”

“It’s different when it’s Tilly.”

I shift closer, helping adjust the blanket around her legs when it slips down. Ollie folds one arm behind his head and squints up at the sky. “Want to spot cloud animals?”

“Spot what?”

“You know, clouds shaped like animals.” He gestures upward. “That one over there is clearly a walrus. See the tusks?”

I lie down and follow the line from his finger. The cloud in question looks anything but what he described, but I don’t say a word. “Look,” he insists, scooting a fraction closer so our shoulders brush. “You have to tilt your head the right way.”

I do as he suggests and squint. “Okay, maybe a really old walrus.”

“I’m glad you agree. We used to do this a lot.”

“With your siblings?” I ask.

He nods, still looking at the sky. “Whenever things got bad and we had to escape reality. Some of our foster parents weren’t great. When they fought or started drinking in the middle of the day, we’d go outside and lie on the rooftop or a yard if there was one. Anywhere we could be alone.”

I picture three little kids on cracked concrete, staring up at the sky, hoping for a better tomorrow. The image breaks my heart all over again.

“It was easier when we could turn the shouting into background noise and argue about whether the cloud was a lion or a spaceship.” He huffs a small laugh. “Chase always picked the most aggressive animals; sharks, wolves and killer whales. One time he insisted a cloud was a velociraptor.”

“He sounds like a good kid.”

“Chase is. Super smart, too. He’s currently finishing his engineering internship and will graduate next summer. Eli paid for his college degree, so I didn’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s so nice of him.”

“Well, you know Eli,” he says, glancing at me. “He does everything to make the lives of the people he cares about easier.”

“We share a niece, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Your brother got lucky meeting his sister.”

“He surely did,” I say with a chuckle.