Page 5 of All Your Dreams
OLLIE
One afternoon.
That’s all it took for my life to split into before and after Tilly. This morning, I was just a guy with a business, a routine and a quiet Friday ahead of me. Now I have an almost three-month-old baby depending on me for everything and a missing sister. There’s no manual or gradual transition, only the sudden responsibility.
I don’t remember the drive home from the hospital. Only that Tilly slept the entire way, strapped securely into the car seat beside me, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm that felt completely at odds with the running thoughts in my head. Every few seconds, I caught myself checking on her, making sure she was still breathing.
The nurse told me to feed her once we get home, so that’s the first thing I’ll do. The front door opens before I even reach for my keys and Eli’s head pops out like he’s been waiting for us.
“Thank fuck you’re here. Rose has totally gone overboard. It’s like the entire department store baby section exploded in your living room.”
His haggard appearance and words make me chuckle. “Good to see you, too, brother.”
Eli looks like he walked straight out of a business meeting and into a conflict zone. His dark, curly hair is neatly trimmed, but he’s run his hands through the strands one too many times, leaving the look disheveled. A bit of stubble shadows his jaw, and instead of his usual full suit, he’s in dress pants and a button-down with the sleeves rolled up.
He isn’t just my best friend; he’s my brother. Not by blood, but by choice. We grew up in the same town, running in the same circles, knowing of each other long before life shoved us into the same foster home during our senior year of high school. By then, Eli had lost his adoptive parents in a car accident and I’d been bouncing through the system long enough to know the drill. We had different paths, but the same kind of damage. Somewhere between late-night conversations, jamming sessions, too many hours of video games and figuring out how to survive that final year, we became each other’s constant.
“I called Jax, but he’s working on a large back piece today. He’ll call you later.”
I know he will. That’s who Jax is, loyal in a way that runs bone-deep. Our foster brother and best friend has poured everything he has into King Tattoo Brooklyn, building the shop into what it is today with his own two hands. If he could walk out and be here right now, he would. But when he commits to something, especially a client sitting in his chair, he sees the task through to the end before anything else. And that’s exactly why I respect the hell out of him.
“Thanks. Can we come in now?” I ask with a tired smile.
“Just remember that Rose wanted to help get you settled with Tilly.”
Knowing Rose, who reunited with Eli two years ago, she never does anything halfway. That’s the way she is, and I adore her for her enthusiasm.
Eli steps aside to let me in. I carry Tilly in one arm while the other hauls the bag stuffed with supplies the hospital sent us home with.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I mutter jokingly as I reach the living room. I’m blown away by the sheer number of baby products strewn around. It’s like someone dropped a bomb of diapers, bottles and a bunch of other stuff, which exploded everywhere. I’ve never seen anything close to it.
“Eli, can you take Tilly?” Rose asks, pushing herself up from the floor. Her curly light red hair falls around her face, freckles dusting her cheeks and nose like she’s been kissed by the sun.
I spot the unease on Eli’s face, but there’s no question he’ll be great with Tilly, because he has experience with his own niece.
“Go sit on the lounge chair and have her close, okay?” I tell him, handing over the car seat.
He does as instructed, a little stiff at first, like he’s trying to remember the steps. Tilly lets out a soft sound, and his whole focus snaps to her, shoulders tightening before he adjusts her blanket. I just stand there, watching them. And the truth hits me all over again; this is my life now.
I drag a hand over my face and close my eyes, but the action doesn’t do much. I’m so damn tired. Not just physically, but deep within. Everything that went wrong with Livia plays on loop in my mind; the first time I realized she was drunk in middle school, every missed phone call and promise she broke about getting clean before disappearing again. Every time I thought things were finally getting better and life proved me wrong once again.
Before I can get a grip, Rose wraps her arms around me and I break in her embrace. It’s a crack straight through the center of me and suddenly I’m clutching onto her like I might fall apart if I don’t. I didn’t even realize how tightly I’ve been holding myself together until now. All the mixed emotions hit like a floodgate ripping open. My fingers grip the back of Rose’s sundress tighter as I sob against her shoulder.
“Ollie, my dear, let’s sit down,” she whispers soothingly.
Holding my hand, she leads us to the couch. I collapse into the dark red cushions, my head falling back, staring at the ceiling through blurry eyes like it might have answers. We sit there in silence for a few minutes, not saying a word until Tilly starts fussing. Every small sound she makes cuts through me, because it means she needs something, and I’m supposed to be the one who knows what that is. When in reality I have no fucking clue. Not yet.
“Fuck, I forgot that I was supposed to feed her,” I say and start to get up, but Rose stops my movement, gently pressing me back down.
“I got this.”
She moves into the kitchen, preparing a bottle like she’s done it a hundred times before. I let myself sink back, guilt blooming instantly. I shouldn’t feel relieved that she stepped in. I should be the one doing whatever my friend is. I’m Tilly’s…what? Guardian? Uncle? Father? I don’t even know what I am yet.
“She’s a natural.” I say and glance at my best friend who’s still looking at where his love disappeared behind the wall.
“Rose is. But if the past few hours have shown me anything, it’s that I’m not there yet.”
“Where exactly is there?”
