Page 13 of Healing His Heart

“It’s nothing. We were talking about you and your family.”

“Yeah, we were.” He sighed heavily. “I love my family. Every single one of them, but sometimes there’s just so much competition to succeed. Not the best, but if I don’t choose to be a consultant, I’ll feel like I’m letting everyone down, seeing how that’s what my older siblings have done.”

“And do you want to be one? Is doctoring your passion? I know you said you wanted to be one as a kid, but sometimes passions change. Fuck, I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up. Fat chance of that happening now.”

“Why? You could do that.”

“I, erm, came out of school with nothing. No exams, no qualifications. I’ve never had a job and I have no clue what I’d even do. Retail or hospitality are the only things available to me, and when you tell them you’ve got no exams, they pass you over for the next person.”

“And you’ve no inclination to get them?”

I shrugged. “It didn’t seem important, and when would I have the time? Most days, I look after Logan when he gets out of school, and when it’s the school holidays, I take care of him. Free childcare, that’s what I am.”

He shook his head and turned away. “Jesus, Frankie, I’m sorry.”

“For what? They pay for my food; the little money Gran gives me pays for the top-up on my phone.” I hated that I couldn't do this for myself.

“But you’re almost twenty-one. You should be out there, not cooped up at home.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I don’t need you telling me I’m a loser as well, Mac. I get that enough from my family.” I screwed up my napkin and threw it on the table, disappointed in myself more than anyone.

“That’s not what I meant. But can’t they see it’s they who are holding you back? What if I helped you out?”

“And how will you do that? You gonna sit my exams for me? Get me some solid grade As?”

He fiddled with the paper cup, realising there was nothing he could do. “Do you have a hobby? What do you love doing?”

I laughed. “That’s a loaded question.”

“You know what I mean. If money or time were no object, what would you do? What’s your passion?”

He’d probably laugh if I told him. I picked at my nails. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I would never laugh at you, Frankie.” He reached across the table, his touch gentle on my hand.

I looked at him closely, debating whether I should say. It was personal. Not something I was ashamed of, but something only Gran knew about. I hid it from my family, as I knew they wouldn’t understand, but would Mac?

“I’d love to be a musician,” I blurted and watched his face for any reaction. His look was one of surprise.

“Wow, that’s… Why did you think I’d laugh at that? That’s admirable. Do you play an instrument?”

“Piano. I play the piano. Not well, mind. Gran has this old upright thing she’s had since I can remember. I’d bang about on it when we were living there. Mum would tell me to shut up, that I was making a racket, but Gran always encouraged me to play when Mum was out of the house.”

“Have you had lessons? Did you play at school?”

“Lessons? You’re having a laugh. Mum won’t pay out for those, and I’m not sure I want her to know I play anymore. She’d probably make fun of me, tell me not to have ideas above my station. Music is for the posh, not people like us, and don’t even get me started on Brian.”

“I'm sorry, but your mum’s a bitch. I’d love to hear you play sometime.”

“You’ll get no argument from me about Mum. I can’t ever remember a time when she was nice to me. No ‘I love you’ when I was young, no cuddles at bedtime. Yet when Logan came along, all that changed.”

“Again, I’m sorry.” His thumb continued to stroke the back of my hand. Did he even realise he was doing it?

“I came to terms with her views on me a long time ago. And as for your other question, I’m not good enough to play for anyone else. I play for me, when I can.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Before he could say anything more, my phone chirped. Seeing how it was past midnight, I knew it’d be Mum.