Page 82 of Smash

A doctor appeared. “Hi there. Do you know where you are?”

My throat was parched. “Yes. The hospital.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I think I fainted.” I swallowed.

“She fainted,” I heard Calder confirm from somewhere behind me.

“Were you there when it happened?” she asked him.

“Yes.”

She turned to me. “What did you do right before you fainted?”

How the hell do I answer that? Broke my boyfriend’s heart? Devastated the man I was supposed to love?

Calder answered for me. “She was confronted with something she wasn’t expecting. I think she went into shock and passed out. I caught her before she hit her head. I called the ambulance as a precaution because she seemed out of it for a while after.”

He caught me. He’d probably saved me from a concussion. Calder had looked out for me when he should’ve let me fall. I deserved to fall. I closed my eyes. What was going on in Calder’s head right now?

A few seconds later, I heard his footsteps move away. He must’ve stepped out while they conducted their full examination. A nurse took my vitals and drew blood. Then I was totally alone. I was hooked up to an IV, yet I was thirsty. There was no one around to get me water. Perhaps Calder had left the hospital altogether, coming to his senses and leaving me to fend for myself. I had never felt worse about myself, and I kind of hoped he had.

At least thirty minutes passed as I lay there on the bed, unsure what was happening or how long I’d be here. I knew this examination was all for nothing. My nervous system had gone into shock, causing me to faint. It was as simple as that. There wasn’t anything else to discover.

Finally, a nurse appeared. She looked down at her chart. “All of your tests checked out fine.”

Despite expecting that, I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness.” The last thing I needed was an unexpected health problem right now.

“You were probably dehydrated. That in conjunction with an emotional shock were the likely contributors to your vasovagal syncope.”

“Okay. Can I go home now?” I asked, although I wasn’t sure why. My life as I knew it was one big, black hole. Maybe staying here at the hospital as long as possible was better than facing the wrath I knew I deserved.

“Yes. We’re discharging you, but I would suggest that you not be alone, at least for the next twenty-four hours. You should drink lots of liquids and don’t skip meals. You might want to check in with your primary care doctor this week so they can make a note of this incident in your chart. If you’re prone to vasovagal issues, your doctor will want to know.”

I nodded. “Thank you so much for your help.”

“Take your time getting up,” she said before leaving to tend to another patient.

I slowly sat forward, waiting at the edge of the bed until I felt ready, both physically and mentally, to step out into a world that had never been more uncertain.

Calder was waiting just outside the examination area. He didn’t notice me right away, so I took a moment to look at him. His arms were crossed as he leaned against a wall. My poor, loving boyfriend who’d done nothing to deserve this. I couldn’t believe he’d stuck by me this entire time at the hospital. I would’ve ditched me a long time ago.

Had I said anything before I passed out? I couldn’t remember much aside from the adrenaline rush, the room spinning, and then waking up in the ambulance. But I knew I had a lot of explaining to do. Whether he’d be willing to listen tonight was another story.

He finally noticed me standing there. He uncrossed his arms and looked at me blankly, his eyes sullen.

“They told me I could go home,” I said stupidly.

He’d probably figured that out now that I was up and walking. Could they diagnose someone with being a bad person? They should’ve put that in my chart. Filled with shame, I followed him out of the hospital. Calder continued to give me the silent treatment, and I dreaded whatever was to come.

Outside, he logged into an app to order us a car. The wait for the ride was excruciating. The urge to somehow explain myself or console him consumed me, but the right words just weren’t there. Despite the warm July evening, a massive chill lingered in the air around us. I glanced over at him. Calder was surely going to blow at some point. This felt like the calm before the storm.

It wasn’t until we were in the backseat of the Uber that he finally turned to me. “How long has it been going on?” he asked, his tone cold and chillingly calm.

“Not long,” I whispered.

“How many times?” He rubbed his temples.